It's a BOY!!

It has happened, he is here! 

Owen Faron Burns arrived into this world on April 10 at 2:07am weighing 6lbs 2oz - 19"long and was placed into our waiting arms on that same day at 12:30pm.

That was it. The wait was now finally over.

On April 10th we were on our way to Calgary for an art show I was in the following day. Thought we would stop for breakfast at our favorite little small town diner, do some shopping at Ikea, and then have coffee with Jason's folks. Our car was so packed with Art I was sitting in the back seat!  We stopped in Airdrie to grab some supplies and when we stopped we noticed a voicemail on Jason's phone to call the adoption agency.  This happens once in a while, so we didn't think anything of it.

While I went in to shop, Jason went to the car and call the adoption agency back.  After a few minutes I came out to see what was up, and by that point he was holding his phone and crying.  Jason told me that we were chosen.  We held each other and cried in the parking lot for what seemed like an eternity.

Within a couple hours we were already at the hospital meeting our new son,  But this instant adoption caught us off-guard and we had nothing with us.  That night we stayed at our cousin's place in Calgary, and luckily they had a extra car seat for us to use!  Not to mention a box of newborn clothes for the little one.

The next morning before we went back to the hospital to get him, but we had to decide on a name.  We had both thought of different names that we liked over the years, but now all a sudden we had to make the difficult decision to sign our son out of the hospital with a new name that he would have the rest of his life. 24 hours ago we were just thinking about what kind of eggs to have with our breakfast, and now this!

So we finally brainstormed, and researched many different names.  We both went through the names that we had like over the years on the adoption list, and started to eliminate the ones that didn't fit.  What was important was that we had just met the little guy, so some names didn't suit him.

Within a couple hours that Saturday morning, we had named him Owen.  One translation for Owen is "desired child".  What better definition that that?  What kid has been desired and thought about more?

His middle name would be Faron.  The name Faron is at it's roots a German name meaning "journey".  Of course the journey being what we went through together to bring us to this time and place, now with him.

After quick hugs with our cousins, we left for the hospital to go get Owen.  The rest has all been kind of a blur because our lives have been changed forever.

We got home to Red Deer later that afternoon, and my parents had already picked up formula and diapers for us.  Immediately we had to clean out the baby's room because it had been sitting idle for years. All of a sudden now we were using a room we never really had before, and our house just got a little bigger!

Then parenthood started. Work schedules were rearranged, chores fell to the wayside and our son instantly became priority.  It seemed so surreal that he had finally arrived.

Jason and I were prepared for an instant placement, we were told about them and all other options that are possible.  But no matter how prepared you are, mentally or physically it still comes as a shock.  Nothing truly prepares you for it. Your mind takes a while to catch up to what is happening on the outside as in disbelief we keep asking ourselves, "Did this really just happen??"

Now why are we just telling all of you now, almost a couple weeks later?  Well once the adoption placement happens, it doesn't really become official.  Owen's birthmom is one of the bravest and most important people that has ever impacted our lives, but in this process she has 10 days to change her decision.  So as of midnight that just passed, we now officially became parents.  The last week or so have been absolutely nerve racking to say the least.

But now we can tell everyone!

We've been parents for just 10 days now and our dreams really have come true. We're enjoying every single minute with this little guy. Words cannot really express what our hearts are feeling or what our minds need to say, but we are in complete awe of this as we need to let it all sink in.

Thank you so much to all of you who have been with us through this entire process.  The adoption experience up to this point has been completely life changing.  Thank you to listening to our stories, harboring our pain, and working with us through the hope that we would one day bring our child home through adoption.  But the biggest thank you of all goes to the birthmom who chose us, the most special, important and bravest woman of all.  

The years of waiting have been very difficult, but when we hold Owen in our arms, we know that it was all absolutely worth it.

And so the parenting adventure begins!  Owen is eager to meet so many of you.  He's a very healthy and happy baby, and I'm sure we have many more stories to tell.


So please stay tuned for the next step in our Adventure in Adopting.



Love,

Lauren, Jason, and Owen

Our Adoption Profile Book 2015

This is our third update of our adoption profile album.  Our book is distributed by our Adoption Agency to Social Workers around Alberta, and then to those brave birthmoms who choose to go with adoption.

We tell the story of who we are, where we came from, who we try to be as people, who we are as a couple, and who we want to be as parents.

Hoping that this helps bring us closer to the next step in our adventure.

#waiting #adoption #adventuresinadopting #thenextstep

Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster

  There are times where Lauren and I are so optimistic and focus on being happy about our adoption process, that we easily flow our emotions out onto our blog and talk about it with our friends and family.
  But waiting to be parents for years now, brings its share of ups and downs, and is a real emotional rollercoaster to say the least.
  Our focus this year has been to "Breathe".  To accept where things take us, and that it is all a part of a bigger plan to bring us to that next step.  Easier said than done, but we've just started our climb again to a more positive place after dipping into a month of real lows.  Just like a rollercoaster, sometimes you slowly start climbing and enjoying the beautiful view... only for an unexpected drop to bring you crashing down.
  One of the things we figured out we never really talk about are the close calls.  The opportunities that never turn out.  What we mean by that, is that with our adoption agency we have a profile.  With our own personal profile, comes our adoption book, which highlights who we are, where we've come from, and how the birthmom could see ourselves as parents.
  So when a birthmother makes a decision about adoption, a social worker will meet them, get in touch with our adoption agency, and then the mother has to not only be incredibly brave about the path she has chosen, but then make the most difficult decision of all - which parents to pick.
  What profiles the social worker shows the mom is usually based on profiles, but also their spot on the adoption list, depending also on the situation at hand.
 
  So many of you don't know, that we recently had a call.

  There was a birthmom in the region who had chosen adoption, and in fact was having the baby the day we were contacted.  Not because we were chosen, but because the agency wanted to make us aware about the situation, and for us to be prepared because Lauren and I could have to drop everything we were doing and go to the hosptial at any time.  The birthmom had our file and was looking at it (along with others).
  Myself, I tried to stay grounded, but a lot of emotions come welling up inside you which you can't avoid.  I was at work when Lauren called me, and I had trouble focusing.  Good thing my work is very fast paced and never has a dull moment, because I tried to bury myself in my job... but emotionally I was a wreck.

  Was this finally going to be it after years of waiting?
  Who is the birthmom?
  What does she look like?
  Is it going to be a boy or a girl?
  Have Lauren and I really figured out a name yet?
  Is the nursery all ready?
  How do I change a diaper?
  Is the birthmom going to like us?
  Where do we have to go?

  ..................etc, etc, all night long

  Neither Lauren or I got a lot of sleep.  We tried to stay calm, and we waited for that call.  Sometimes these things don't happen right away.  It's all up to the birthmom.  But we were ready at any time.

  The phone never rang that night.
  I went to work, Lauren did her art show.... still waiting for an update.
  No phone call that next day.  We went about our business.

  The following day.  Still no call.  Our hearts sunk.

  Then I called up the adoption agency after that to get an update.  The birthmom had a healthy baby, and had chosen another couple on the list.  They couldn't tell us why necessarily, because in this case it was such an instant placement that it could have been anything.  The other parents had other kids, and we didn't.  They lived in Northern Alberta... and still from there you will never really know why.

  But all we know is that it wasn't meant to be.  But this wasn't the first time.

  We cry a little.  Then we cry a lot.  Our depression and sadness comes out in frustration, that we fight.  We say things to each other that we don't mean.  It took a lot of soul searching, but we've come out of this again, and are able to talk about our sadness to each other.

  No matter how much pain we go through, we still know that it will all be worth it.

  We can't give up.  We won't give up.

  For right now, Lauren and I have updated our profile book for the third time.  We will share it with all of you, so you can see what the prospective birthmom is going to see.  We've probably over-analyzed this book more than you all know.

  Thank you to everyone for your continued encouragement and love.  Remember don't hesitate to ask us "How is the adoption?"

  It doesn't hurt.  We want to tell you.  We need to tell you.



Jason & Lauren

Life as waiting parents.....

We seem to have gotten into a groove of ignoring what we really feel. I can go days without acknowledging what is breaking my heart. I still think about the adoption everyday and almost every hour but it has become this elephant in the room. We don't mention it as much or think about what we are really feeling. We internalize our own thoughts of the adoption. It is all temporary as we are waiting parents. It could happen so fast that it will take our minds and hearts to catch up to what is actually physically happen even though we have had many years to prepare ourselves for it. I think we will be in a state of disbelief when it really does happen, that it is actually happening. I dream of that day. I catch myself thinking about it all the time. What the scenario will be, if it will be a boy or a girl, will the birth mom be in our lives, will it be a call in the middle of the night or will there be chance we can be there when our baby is born? All these unknowns keeps my heart open to this amazing possibility of becoming a mother. But after 31 months being on the list they can also make you dwell on the wait. We have changed babies name so many times, rearranged the room and gotten our hopes up about situations that have led to disappointment.

We know this is temporary but it is our reality in which we have been in for 2.5 yrs. It is harder to ignore the questions will it happen, should we be doing this, how much more can we handle? We are enduring the wait by staying strong and hopeful, the excitement has worn off but we can find it when we want to. We have hidden it away for now to keep focused on our daily lives and move forward.

I know it is right there waiting to explode out of us, to share with you, but for now we must keep it close to our hearts and protected.

Lauren

#hope

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” 
― Maya Angelou

Facing Fear

  Lauren and I do a lot to stay positive.  We have spent a lot of time moving towards and absorbing the positive things and people in our lives.  But fear, pain, and despair will always try to come creeping back in.  What we've learned, is you need to face it.  It's easy to look around, and feel the agony of the wait and the time that has passed.  You can't avoid it (because it always finds you) or it will eat you alive.

  Facing our fears is just as important as moving towards the positive.  We didn't want the winter snow to fall outside last year, symbolically knowing we had to wait another winter without a baby.  But it has, and it is.  There is nothing we can do to change that.  Each night the cold feelings come back to us, and pierce through the darkness of that empty room.  But we turn on the light in the nursery every day, to help shine hope and separate our body from our minds.

  We can then look into the future and see how happy we are going to be.

  Also look over all the amazing people that are in our lives, where we've come from, what we have now, and how happy we already are.

  So the nursery can start with overwhelming sadness, but as we face it, that turns into hope.  I know that now I can pick up the kids toys, thinking about them and how fun it will be.  I can look at all the books we have and how excited I'm going to be reading them.  I can nap in the rocking chair and find peace that it will happen when it happens (it always helps when one of the dogs jumps up and sleeps with me too).


  Music has always been a huge inspiration to me, and I've also taken solace now in many of my favorite artists.  I'm finding songs that I've never really listened too before, and just skipped over.  But now they are starting to hold such great meaning and give me comfort:


Social Distortion - Cold Feelings


  Another beautiful day, another cold night, but we will find our way through it, and turn on that light.

Jason

#inspiration

  Lauren and I started to recently update and re-do parts of our Adoption profile book for the birthmothers, partly because we need more recent pictures and words, but we received some incredible inspiration from our new-found friend through Adoption Ali M. Thanks Ali!  :)

  Speaking of inspiration, I wanted to share mt own personal page on inspiration.  Really because I focus on my father, and recently I got to go to see our beloved home-town Calgary Flames just over a week ago.  Actually the great story there (to re-iterate what I posted before about #balance) was that I got those tickets as a gift from my Regional Manager at Moxie's (you rock Jen), which came right from the President of the company.  Just because they thought I was really trying to make a difference and working hard at my job.  Can't express how awesome that felt, but also that I was able to take my Dad, who at the ripe young age of 82 hasn't been to a game in years and it was an incredible experience we won't soon forget.

Have to say though that the Flames need a disclaimer when Johnny Hockey does his magic and dipsy-doodles on a breakaway because we both jumped out of our seats a few times I could have tumbled!  (haha, and for anyone who knows me well, we wouldn't want that again, but that's another story).

Anyhow, here is my Adoption book page on inspiration:

  Yes, that's me talking to a goat.  (RIP Garrett. You're in my heart old friend, will miss our chats!)

  But all goats aside, when we starting updating our book lots of emotions starting flooding back, things we thought about at the start of this process years ago.
  My Mom was always the tough one, who was loving, but laid down the law :)  I still hold a special connection with her because she organized so much and wanted the best for us, and as a teacher always made sure I was learning from everything that happened in life.  She has always held an overwhelming and extroverted love and affection for those she loves, and is always full of hugs and kisses (and yes still pinches my cheeks and calls me her baby.. geesh, haha).

  When we think of ourselves as a parent though, I hold a special place in my heart for my father Donald Burns.  He is the biggest reason why I wanted to become a father, because I wanted to emulate him and make him proud.  Dad has always been the quiet one (of the two), but when he spoke it resonated with me.  Always a quick wit, dry humor, well spoken, and clever... oh man you want this guy on your trivial pursuit team!  But you knew he was always there, always a shoulder to cry on, always someone who gave 110% for his kids.
  Dad is so inspiring because of his patience and unrelenting love.  He would work long days at the office, but when he came home (after a 15 minute power nap of course) he always made time for me.  We did so much together, and through his patience he helped parent me with support and love.  And you never wanted to let him down.  It still motivates me to this day, when I tell him about my achievements it really is important how he feels and when he tells me how proud he is.
  I still remember his retirement party from Gulf years back, and his speech.  I can't remember the words, but I remember looking around the room and seeing the smiles on the faces of all the people he worked with.  I remember how Dad made everyone feel.  They all felt good, and they respected and missed him.  His work family felt as strongly about him as his own family did.  Don't think I will ever forget that, and remember that how we act in life to everyone around us defines who we are as a person.  How we made them feel.  To strangers, to co-workers, and especially our kids.  Dad always met challenges with conviction, patience, and understanding above all.

  Have to say that I also see my Dad in the awesome men my sister's chose to marry.  All of them in some way remind me of my Dad and his qualities.  Very proud to have those guys as my brothers and part of our family.  Rob, Dave, Louie  <3

  When I think of myself as a husband, mentor and a parent, I will always think of how my Dad would have done it.  Our child will be my P.B.T.L.L.F. and help them work and learn through the challenges of life, and adoption, together.  The same way my Dad would have done.


  I just hope our child feels the same way that I do about my Dad, because then I think I'm doing ok, no matter what happens.

  Love you Dad.



Jason

A letter to my wife:

We are tired 

The journey has been long. But we won't give up, and I won't give up on us.
As the cold winter rolls on, we know that the sun is coming. The sun and a promise of a new day, of a new life.. the life which we have been patiently waiting for, for 6 long years.

We often think of what could have been, or maybe what should have been. But the fact is that where we are now, and better yet *who* we are now, are exactly where we need to be.

I couldn't be more proud of our lives, or who we've become, and the love that has grown for this child we haven't met yet. But that love we feel every day is pain, and we won't let that tear us apart.

There is no other place I want to be.

There is no other person I want to be with.

We are worth it.

YOU are worth it.

This child and life we are going to parent is all going to be worth it.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns


Love heart emoticon Jason

#courage

  Lauren and I have been patiently waiting for the next step to occur, but I think it's important to remember what that next step will be.

  In open adoption, we are on a list waiting for a birth-mother to choose us.  So when that phone rings, we could be either racing up to let's say Grande Prairie to meet a mother and her baby in the hospital, or setting up a meeting to have a casual and nervous drive to Calgary to meet a birth-mother in her second trimester.  It is going to be somewhere in Alberta, we just don't know where, and we don't know who we are going to meet.
  This person however, is going to be one of the single most important people that we have ever met in our lives.  Not just because she is going to possibly choose to let us raise her child, but because we think we understand the type of #courage and #strength it is going to take her to make that decision.  We understand it because of the seminars we attended years ago when we started this journey, in listening to people's stories, in researching open adoption, and in talking to our social worker and the adoption agency.
  We can't wait to meet her.  She will forever become a part of our family, and a part of our child's life.  Open adoption was such an incredible path for Lauren and I also because we will have that connection with her, in whatever way is agreed upon.  That link and connection for our child is always going to be so important in understanding who they are and their lineage.
 

  True courage is going to be her choice to put her child's life ahead of her own.  For any of you who have had children, could you make that sacrifice?  Can you imagine what kind of courage it is going to take?

  Over the years through our adoption journey, Lauren and I have met a number of people who surprisingly have told us they were adopted, or were part of an incredible adoption story.

  We were having coffee over at our neighbors house around Christmas time, and shared with them our story so far.  It turns out that years ago their daughter had the courage to put her baby up for adoption, and they showed us the picture of their grandchild.  The adoptive parents still had a connection, and sent pictures at birthdays and the like.  It was incredible to witness an open adoption story.

  

  Both Lauren and I are so weary from the wait, but we both know that our perseverance to endure, can only help in supporting the woman we are going to meet. 

  We can't wait for that next step, to meet you!.

  We want to share in your story and your pain.

  We will get through this together.

  What we're doing is something..  but what you are doing is everything.

  You have incredible, undeniable, and unequivocal - #courage.

#balance

 I've been working in the restaurant industry for over 20 years now, and it is definitely a career path very different from all the rest.  Anyone who has worked in a busy restaurant for a considerable amount of time, knows what it takes to not only do it, but to do it well.  It takes working a lot of long hours, weekends, holidays... basically always working when everyone else doesn't seem to be.
  When I began in it so many years ago, I was a kid that was a little lost. I was shy, introverted, and really looking to be a part of a fun social scene to help me grow out of my shell. Throughout the years in this industry, I always gravitated towards positive mentors and worked hard to learn from them.
  Now achieving success in this industry takes it's toll.  The more you put into it, the more it can take out of you.  Commitment and loyalty are things that are a valuable asset, but with that comes incredible sacrifice.  I have missed family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas dinners, celebrations.. all in thinking that my hard work would pay off.  But what if that balance you search for in life never really comes?  Or if you think you finally have it, but everyone you hold close to you tells you that you're wrong?  What kind of father would I be able to be with things as they were?

  It was really difficult for me to accept what so many close friends, family, and (especially) my wife were telling me.  That my job was controlling my life.  I was in it, mentally and physically almost 100% of the time, and every day of the week.  Home life wasn't sacred, and I never learned any different because I always just sacrificed my own time for the betterment of the job.  I had done that to myself, because I didn't know any other way to be the best. We all strive to be "busy" and fill our lives with work to fulfill our worth and move up the ladder.

  Well 2014 was the year to absorb the positive things and people in mine and Lauren's lives.  Not focusing on the pain, anger, and hurt, but just move towards what felt good and right.  I had to grow the courage to focus and fight for myself.  However because of all the commitment I had already given, there was no way for me to really go back on the extra effort that I had always given because I had dug myself into that hole.  There needed to be a change.  It was the single most scariest time in my life.  I drew up my resume for the first time in almost 15 years and started to look ahead.  But I had no confidence that I could do much else or work anywhere different.  Plus, was I supposed to start over somewhere?  People don't tend to value restaurants as a valid career path, and I questioned my own skill-sets.  What would I do?

  My journey into looking for other work helped develop strength in my own self-worth.  I was part of an industry that traditionally gives back very little.  Everyone takes, but rarely gives praise or understands.  So talking about my skills and accomplishments with those close around me helped develop the courage to move forward.
  It is really interesting how when you focus on growth for yourself, the universe helps make it happen for you, and getting you to where you need to be.  I couldn't have been more relieved to move on from my old position, because I was then free to be myself.  I could choose what I needed, and develop my job for who I knew I was and could be.  But would my future lie in the same industry that had taken so much from me?

  Well after 20 years I have come back full circle to the company in which I started with as a teenager.  Moxie's has changed quite a bit, I knew it wasn't the same checkered table, family dining that I remembered it as.  It had grown up (but so had I).  However I wasn't sure if I was ready or understood what the company was really about, or if I would even fit in with it's philosophy or vision.

  It actually took some coaxing from Lauren for me to apply and send my resume in, I had interviews outside of the restaurant industry up to that point and really felt that I needed to find something different so that I could have the proper balance to be the father I needed to be.  This would probably be the same if not more work and pressure than I needed.

  But I sent my resume in anyways, and it was the best decision I ever made.  

  In my 8 months now back with the company, I have learned and developed more than I had ever done in my entire career.  Is it challenging?  Definitely.  In some ways I am working harder than I ever have before.  But it is all about balance.  Two days off a week... in a row?  Part of the company standard.  One weekend off a month?  Standard.  Vacation days?  Yup, you guessed it.  I've been so pleasantly surprised that the brand has it's core philosophy on making people feel special.  The guests, the staff, and the management.  We all work incredibly hard for our shifts, but when the day is done we are able to leave it there.  It's a difficult concept for me to grasp but I'm starting to figure that out.

  Just this past weekend I attended an appreciation dinner for the entire management staff from Alberta.  Listening to the President of the company not only give a speech about thanking everyone for the work they are doing, but what really got to me is how he addressed the spouses and partners.  He also thanked "them".  For letting us do what we do and supporting us.  For understanding how passionate we are about our people and our guests.  For knowing we have so many people that rely on us.  That this business was incredibly demanding, but that we were all in it together.
  It really made Lauren and I feel good.  Plus, feeling at ease that I was now working hard for our future.  We are now where we need to be.  The focus on absorbing the good in our lives and trusting our hearts has lead us here.  I feel incredibly proud to feel so appreciated, but that Lauren is as well.  Working with so many like-minded career individuals, that understand what it is like to work in this industry, is overwhelming.
  And most important of all, is that I am often asked at work about the pending adoption.  My co-workers and managers are incredibly supportive, but also give me the structure that I need so I can leave work at the drop of a hat if I need to when that adoption call happens.  

  So now, we are able to continue moving forward and breathe.  Lauren is modest at saying it but is becoming a very successful and more important artist.  I am again working very hard, but that work is already truly reciprocating itself.  I've received praise from my peers, and really feel a home with my new business family.  Lauren and I now have the strength and courage to focus even more on ourselves, our lifestyles, and our health.  Our relationship together has seen many challenges, as it's been threatened by the pressures of the adoption wait and changing careers, but we've really persevered. 
  
  Through everything we've overcome this past year, we see how important each one of those challenges has been.  I don't resent where I used to work or the different people that impacted my life.  In fact I am so grateful that I was able to grow and learn from them, and through everything that happened.  Because it has all brought me exactly to where I needed to be.  Right here, right now.
  Lauren and I both know that with this kind of balance and control in our lives now, we have more resolve than ever to be the best possible parents for the child that will soon be coming.


Jason

My reality is the happiest of All!!

I learned a lesson this weekend. Since before Christmas I have been battling in my head the struggles in my life compared to other people's joys in their life. I/We have made decisions to live the way we live for our happiness. We chose to live simpler and smaller to be able to afford adoption. We chose to have me go after my dream instead of going after bigger and bigger toys and houses. That is what we chose.

I am on social media a lot for my art career. I have found a little bit of success online and continue to grow my business through that tool. While I am on there you see the false reality that everyone has us believe that their life is awesome. Don't get me wrong I am just as guilty. We post pictures of happy times, things we want to brag about, to show everyone our life is amazing. Who really wants to see me cry over a commercial, or stay in bed because I am keeled over in pain. Who wants to see the bills we try to pay and rising costs of adoption? Who would want to follow an artist who inspires others fall on her knees when her heart is broken, or see me fight with my husband over his shoes at the back door? Who wants to read my story of infertility and life as women who can not birth a child?

What I have learned is a lot of people want to see that and hear that. Because I am open with my journey I inspire. My strength helps other open up and talk about their story. I have learned that infertility, marriage, losing your job, finances and life in general is F$@!%&G hard and we all have it. What I haven't learned is who is battling what? I know that we all have stuff that we face and overcome it but I couldn't tell you who.

Comparison is the thief of JOY!Theodore Roosevelt

I have also learned that I am happy with our life, our careers and our journey. I am an artist.I create everyday and dream up anything I want. I live in a house I love. I have food on my table. I get to spend time with people I love. I have some one who loves me more then I could have ever asked for. I have friends that make me laugh even from far away. I don't need more of anything. I am content.

I have allowed other peoples lives and opinions seep into my outlook on what happiness means to me. 80% of everyone we know are taking or have been on vacation in the past 6 months. We haven't been able to. It was really getting to me. Then a light went off! Our journey to bring our child home is far more important then any vacation we go on or car we buy or bigger house we live in and so on....

SO I let it go. We made a decision to adopt and that is what we are doing. The journey is longer then we ever thought but no matter what we miss along the way won't matter when we bring our child home.

In the end no matter what I see others doing I will not compare and get lost in it. My reality is the happiest of all because its mine!

Lauren

The Phone Call!!!

The Phone rang this morning and we jumped. It was earlier then usual so we really thought this was it and then......wrong number. We were pissed! We get them all the time. More then anyone else who calls us the wrong number is the most!

So what does a couple do that have been on the list for 28 months... we changed our number. 

We had enough!!

Fingers crossed!

Nursery

Made a trip to Chapters last night just to browse, but we couldn't resist getting one or two more things for the nursery.  Got another really cute kids book (LOVE to read kids stories, just can't wait), and I mean look how awesome this onesie is!  Don't think anyone who has bought that there has thought about the wait as long as we have, so it obviously holds a strong meaning.

Some days the years of wait can be hard, and other days our hope seems a lot stronger than ever.  When we first bought our little home here we set up the entire nursery with such hope and optimism.  There have been days we have thought about taking it all down and emptying the room.  There have been times where I myself have to keep the door closed because I don't want to be reminded of the wait, or envision the little one in their room.

Lauren has always been good at lighting the lamp in the nursery as a reminder of hope, and to not give up.  More recently I've been making a conscious effort to sit in there and just read, or have a nap with the dogs, or think about what stories I'm going to read the little one.

This really feels like this is going to be the year, and that the next step is going to happen soon.  Can't wait for that phone to ring and it not be a wrong number or telemarketer.


Soon.

Jason

Support and Love!!

We always feel love and support form our friends and family who are on this journey with us! This morning there was nice surprise on Facebook for us! We know there is so much love and support for us but when it is expressed and a conversation opens up about our journey we really feel the love.

Raena is my cousin but I consider her a sister. She was the other girl in my family that I grew up along side. Every year we get closer and closer and I cherish her in my life. Here is what she wrote this morning:

Here's a quick eye-opening read for those out there who have offered the insensitive words "Just adopt!" to people who can't have children, like it's as easy as walking down the street to pick up a coffee in the morning. Two amazing members of my family have been trying to adopt for several years. It's not easy or affordable. Mostly, it's heartbreaking and takes an incredibly strong partnership to go through the adoption process. This list is absolutely not complete in describing the process, the struggles, the surprising judgments, the lack of support or understanding, but it raises a few important facts to be aware of. I love you Lauren and Jason! You are in my thoughts every day.   

READ article here:  Things you should about Adoption

Here is Jason's response:

 words can't express our appreciation for the support. Infertility cannot truly be understood until you experience it, personally or vicariously. So to those who really know us and follow our story it touches us that you can understand on some level. We couldn't be more supportive and happier for those who have started raising their own children around us, because allowing us to be a part of their lives only strengthens our resolve to not give up and be amazing parents. Raena I can't convey how important your words are to Lauren and I, thank you for being such a special person. We think about the pending adoption every single day, but support like this helps make the light at the end of the tunnel seem a whole lot brighter. When we turn on the light in the nursery tonight, we will think of you. Love you!!

It was like a warm hug this morning when opening our computer, pushing us through another day. Thank you Raena!!

Just another day!!

 I painted this picture yesterday to hang over our couch. Today it was very hard to laugh. But we did!! We faced some struggles but came out okay, a little worse for wear, especially our little Stella. Car issues, vet bills, finances, chronic pain and stress.

This morning Stella had trouble jumping up on the bed and when I pulled her close she screamed. I thought I just pulled to tight and left it at that. We went on with our day, had to get my car to the doctor and returned a few hours later. She was trembling and scared. I went to pull her up and she screamed again. We put her outside to see if she had to go and she would sit on the cold snow. She moved slow and wouldn't come in. So I went to lift her up and she screamed louder and longer. We got her leash and she followed me inside but would not walk up the stairs. So we called the vet and took her in immediately. After an external exam which led to 2 x-rays Stella has Sclerosis of the Spine. She has a bend in her spine just below her tail. It is inflamed and causing her pain which she then is not p**ping causing her more pain. Okay! Breathe!

It may never get worse or it may lead to paralysis. It is very early stage and we caught it at the beginning so we can monitor it and help her not get worse. At this point I want her to p**p and be done with the pain. She is on pain killers and a laxative to help get it moving. She is on bed rest for 3-4 weeks to hopeful lower the inflammation and get her back to regular movements.

We know that Stella to some is just a dog but to us she is our baby. Her and Adicus were there when we didn't have a baby, was there to cuddle us and put a smile on our face when times were tough, she makes us smile and laugh everyday and to us she is our family.

So today we didn't have a great day but we managed to laugh through the fear and tears. Stella made us laugh while she scaring the p**p out of us. Just another day!!

Lauren

We are all Waiting!

2014 is over!!

As we approached December this year and the annual Christmas gatherings we were very protective of our hearts. Last year was hard as we went in blind and came out very exhausted. Many things happened that were unintentional but extremely hurtful for a waiting family. So this year we didn't make many plans. We saw family and friends a couple of times but mostly stayed away. We didn't miss anything and it was the best thing we could do for ourselves.

Until we got news from our agency that the fees would be going up in January. Now don't get to shocked we are fully aware that this could happen and we understand why. We pay for services as they happen so if we don't get a match with the price of when we signed up we are subject to price increases. We also are very supportive of the agency, they do so much, are on call all the time, counselling and matching etc. It isn't about the price, it's never about the money. It was such a hit 5 days before xmas to get the news. We were fine up until then. Holding strong. After that it was hard to not cry at commercials with kids, or see people in stores buying xmas gifts for their kids. All reminders where we are on this journey. 

Christmas came and went and we survived. We always do! This year we decided we needed to get away to our place in the woods. This was our 4th year out 5 spending New Years out there. We reflected on this past year. And what a year it has been. We never thought we could handle much more stress and struggle but this year sure tested us and we came out stronger. Each of us went through career changes and new challenges within them. We managed to survive it all financially, emotionally and physically. We worked on our house and yard, worked on our marriage and ourselves. This year not only tested our strength but our courage to keep going, our love for each other and our ability to adapt with changes that we had no control over.

Over New Years we discussed our year and what we wanted from this coming year. Of course BABY is at the top but it is more about how we are going to take it all in. Good or Bad. We didn't have tools for what happened throughout  last year but we do now. We know each other better, we know how each of us are coping and what we need daily. We understand that this life we are living is bigger then just our little bubble. And no matter what we hold onto. fear of the unknown, or unhappiness we must let it go to see the other side of something that is really really great. Our baby will come, and until then we must LIVE while we wait and not live to WAIT!!

This year will be better because we are better! We feel more equipped to handle anything that comes our way. We understand each other and ourselves. We have promised each other a better year. It will take work but we have never been shy of hard work. I created this manifesto to refer to to keep us focused, to maintain a consistent theme through out the year! It helps when you have goals to guide you through daily activities, challenges and triumphs.

Thanks for reading, showing support, and understanding this journey.

Have a great Year and we are full of hope for good things to come for all of our friends and family.

We also hope that our Manifesto and Word of the year inspires you to create your own to make this your best year!

Lauren