The Phone Call!!!

The Phone rang this morning and we jumped. It was earlier then usual so we really thought this was it and then......wrong number. We were pissed! We get them all the time. More then anyone else who calls us the wrong number is the most!

So what does a couple do that have been on the list for 28 months... we changed our number. 

We had enough!!

Fingers crossed!

Nursery

Made a trip to Chapters last night just to browse, but we couldn't resist getting one or two more things for the nursery.  Got another really cute kids book (LOVE to read kids stories, just can't wait), and I mean look how awesome this onesie is!  Don't think anyone who has bought that there has thought about the wait as long as we have, so it obviously holds a strong meaning.

Some days the years of wait can be hard, and other days our hope seems a lot stronger than ever.  When we first bought our little home here we set up the entire nursery with such hope and optimism.  There have been days we have thought about taking it all down and emptying the room.  There have been times where I myself have to keep the door closed because I don't want to be reminded of the wait, or envision the little one in their room.

Lauren has always been good at lighting the lamp in the nursery as a reminder of hope, and to not give up.  More recently I've been making a conscious effort to sit in there and just read, or have a nap with the dogs, or think about what stories I'm going to read the little one.

This really feels like this is going to be the year, and that the next step is going to happen soon.  Can't wait for that phone to ring and it not be a wrong number or telemarketer.


Soon.

Jason

Support and Love!!

We always feel love and support form our friends and family who are on this journey with us! This morning there was nice surprise on Facebook for us! We know there is so much love and support for us but when it is expressed and a conversation opens up about our journey we really feel the love.

Raena is my cousin but I consider her a sister. She was the other girl in my family that I grew up along side. Every year we get closer and closer and I cherish her in my life. Here is what she wrote this morning:

Here's a quick eye-opening read for those out there who have offered the insensitive words "Just adopt!" to people who can't have children, like it's as easy as walking down the street to pick up a coffee in the morning. Two amazing members of my family have been trying to adopt for several years. It's not easy or affordable. Mostly, it's heartbreaking and takes an incredibly strong partnership to go through the adoption process. This list is absolutely not complete in describing the process, the struggles, the surprising judgments, the lack of support or understanding, but it raises a few important facts to be aware of. I love you Lauren and Jason! You are in my thoughts every day.   

READ article here:  Things you should about Adoption

Here is Jason's response:

 words can't express our appreciation for the support. Infertility cannot truly be understood until you experience it, personally or vicariously. So to those who really know us and follow our story it touches us that you can understand on some level. We couldn't be more supportive and happier for those who have started raising their own children around us, because allowing us to be a part of their lives only strengthens our resolve to not give up and be amazing parents. Raena I can't convey how important your words are to Lauren and I, thank you for being such a special person. We think about the pending adoption every single day, but support like this helps make the light at the end of the tunnel seem a whole lot brighter. When we turn on the light in the nursery tonight, we will think of you. Love you!!

It was like a warm hug this morning when opening our computer, pushing us through another day. Thank you Raena!!

Just another day!!

 I painted this picture yesterday to hang over our couch. Today it was very hard to laugh. But we did!! We faced some struggles but came out okay, a little worse for wear, especially our little Stella. Car issues, vet bills, finances, chronic pain and stress.

This morning Stella had trouble jumping up on the bed and when I pulled her close she screamed. I thought I just pulled to tight and left it at that. We went on with our day, had to get my car to the doctor and returned a few hours later. She was trembling and scared. I went to pull her up and she screamed again. We put her outside to see if she had to go and she would sit on the cold snow. She moved slow and wouldn't come in. So I went to lift her up and she screamed louder and longer. We got her leash and she followed me inside but would not walk up the stairs. So we called the vet and took her in immediately. After an external exam which led to 2 x-rays Stella has Sclerosis of the Spine. She has a bend in her spine just below her tail. It is inflamed and causing her pain which she then is not p**ping causing her more pain. Okay! Breathe!

It may never get worse or it may lead to paralysis. It is very early stage and we caught it at the beginning so we can monitor it and help her not get worse. At this point I want her to p**p and be done with the pain. She is on pain killers and a laxative to help get it moving. She is on bed rest for 3-4 weeks to hopeful lower the inflammation and get her back to regular movements.

We know that Stella to some is just a dog but to us she is our baby. Her and Adicus were there when we didn't have a baby, was there to cuddle us and put a smile on our face when times were tough, she makes us smile and laugh everyday and to us she is our family.

So today we didn't have a great day but we managed to laugh through the fear and tears. Stella made us laugh while she scaring the p**p out of us. Just another day!!

Lauren

We are all Waiting!

2014 is over!!

As we approached December this year and the annual Christmas gatherings we were very protective of our hearts. Last year was hard as we went in blind and came out very exhausted. Many things happened that were unintentional but extremely hurtful for a waiting family. So this year we didn't make many plans. We saw family and friends a couple of times but mostly stayed away. We didn't miss anything and it was the best thing we could do for ourselves.

Until we got news from our agency that the fees would be going up in January. Now don't get to shocked we are fully aware that this could happen and we understand why. We pay for services as they happen so if we don't get a match with the price of when we signed up we are subject to price increases. We also are very supportive of the agency, they do so much, are on call all the time, counselling and matching etc. It isn't about the price, it's never about the money. It was such a hit 5 days before xmas to get the news. We were fine up until then. Holding strong. After that it was hard to not cry at commercials with kids, or see people in stores buying xmas gifts for their kids. All reminders where we are on this journey. 

Christmas came and went and we survived. We always do! This year we decided we needed to get away to our place in the woods. This was our 4th year out 5 spending New Years out there. We reflected on this past year. And what a year it has been. We never thought we could handle much more stress and struggle but this year sure tested us and we came out stronger. Each of us went through career changes and new challenges within them. We managed to survive it all financially, emotionally and physically. We worked on our house and yard, worked on our marriage and ourselves. This year not only tested our strength but our courage to keep going, our love for each other and our ability to adapt with changes that we had no control over.

Over New Years we discussed our year and what we wanted from this coming year. Of course BABY is at the top but it is more about how we are going to take it all in. Good or Bad. We didn't have tools for what happened throughout  last year but we do now. We know each other better, we know how each of us are coping and what we need daily. We understand that this life we are living is bigger then just our little bubble. And no matter what we hold onto. fear of the unknown, or unhappiness we must let it go to see the other side of something that is really really great. Our baby will come, and until then we must LIVE while we wait and not live to WAIT!!

This year will be better because we are better! We feel more equipped to handle anything that comes our way. We understand each other and ourselves. We have promised each other a better year. It will take work but we have never been shy of hard work. I created this manifesto to refer to to keep us focused, to maintain a consistent theme through out the year! It helps when you have goals to guide you through daily activities, challenges and triumphs.

Thanks for reading, showing support, and understanding this journey.

Have a great Year and we are full of hope for good things to come for all of our friends and family.

We also hope that our Manifesto and Word of the year inspires you to create your own to make this your best year!

Lauren

Our new word for 2015

We had a word for 2014, and it was ABSORB.

Both of us wanted to focus on and absorb positive things and people.  We had gone through struggles in finding balance and being happy in our personal and professional lives.  Especially on this difficult road of adoption, we needed to absorb the positive, release/move away from the negative, and help us grow into where we needed to be.

The obstacles that we had, don't seem that big now that we've moved past them.  We had such fear to move forward, to go into the unknown.  Fear is a voice in your head telling you that you can't do it.  Sometimes that voice is others around you, influencing you through what they say and how they make you feel.  But when you remove those influences... you realize that *Fear isn't Real*!

A lot of change happened last year, and we've touch on that before.  But as we took the time recently to reflect on the year together, we know that although we've worked so hard on growing and changing where we were, that we need to have time to breathe.

So that is our word for 2015 = BREATHE!

It took a lot of strength to keep us together and to get where we are now.  The journey has been arduous, but thankfully we didn't drag our feet to accept who/where we were.  Bravely we are changing into the people we need to be, and to we do it together.

To breathe, also doesn't mean that we are just exhaling, or relaxing this year (oh no).  It really means that because of what we've been challenged with and worked through, we can now take time to work through any problem.  Often we would fight over trivial things, and take our pain out on each other.  But we both know now that we have done so much, and we can continue to do this. *Together* we breathe it in... we believe in each other and that our family will come together this year... and we know what we will receive.  It won't be easy, but if we breathe, we think, we slow it down, we know where and who we are... what can't we do?

So we both stand together, looking forward at the year, and never looking back.

When we started our journey almost 6 years ago, we never thought we would have done so much, but wow are we ever stronger now! Our focus on taking time for ourselves and each other is going to be awesome.

Hope to share all of our new goals this year at some point with all of you, and for a very prosperous and happy new year.


Love,


Jason & Lauren