Tuesday 25 December 2012

Day 12... 12 days of Adoption Christmas

This is the last post for our 12 days of Christmas and for 2012.

It is a Christmas wish. Are hearts are thinking of the joy that will come, but also thinking one special Uncle we lost this year. I hold my memories of him close to my heart. With a year filled with sadness and heart ache we end the year looking forward. Dreaming of giggles, and feet running in the hallway, snuggles and smiles. Tears and dirty diapers, late night feedings, and bath time, stories and playing.

A wish for our little one to come home and be safe, On this Christmas Day we embrace our year of trials and tribulations and knowing what the future holds for us and our family.

We love you already little one, come home soon!

We love you Uncle Dick, and we miss you so much!!

Lauren and Jason


Monday 24 December 2012

Day 11.. 12 days of Adoption Christmas


Day 11...Twas the Night before Christmas...




When I was a kid, there was nothing more exciting than the days leading up to Christmas.  Opening the days in the advent calendar, eating the Christmas baking, watching the presents go under the tree... then shaking those presents, sniffing them, holding them up to the light.. it is an artform trying to figure out what they are (and I am pretty adept at it, I should teach courses).

There are so many little traditions that Lauren and I are creating for our own Christmas, that I know will create lots of excitement for our kid(s) when they eventually come to us.  I can hardly wait to share Christmas time with our little one.

*but* the only thing the poor kid is going to have to suffer through... is not opening gifts on Christmas Eve.  The Burns family we always opened all our gifts after dinner together as a family, and then got our stocking the next morning.  But the Cowles wait until Christmas morning to open gifts.. I have to wait until the morning?  How do I contain my excitement!?  Boy those dogs of ours will probably be up PRETTY early tomorrow morning, because they will be too excited to sleep to open up their stockings and get their squeaky toys and denti-sticks!  Guess I'll have to get up with them    ^_^

 Here's hoping next year we can add a little stocking to our four that are already hanging in the living room...


- Jason

Sunday 23 December 2012

Day 10.. 12 days of Adoption Christmas


Day 10...More answers to your questions

All information is from our agency's website: http://www.adoptionbychoice.ca

What is Open Adoption?

Open adoption is a positive way to bring people together to create an adoption plan that leaves all parties feeling secure and respected.
Birth parents choose the adoptive family who will raise their child, and along with the adoptive family, they choose how they want to keep in touch with the child over the years. The starting point of an open adoption is the birth family and adoptive family coming together to build a plan that will meet the needs of the child.  Many birth parents receive emails, photos of their child, and some also have phone calls and visits with the adoptive family.  Every adoption plan is unique and the type and frequency of contact will likely vary over time as the family’s lives will undoubtedly change. Ongoing contact of some form will give the birth parent and their family comfort of knowing that their child is safe and happy. They can be proud of the plan they built for their child, knowing that they placed their child's needs above their own.
Through ongoing contact, adoptive families better understand the birth parents' decision to choose adoption, and they have access to important information about the birth parents.
Open adoption especially benefits the children.  There is an opportunity for the child to learn about and maintain a connection with their birth family, their culture and original roots.
Each open adoption arrangement is unique.  At ABC, we will ensure the child's placement is as unique as the people involved.

1)Is there a cost to adopt a child? What is the cost?

Yes, there is a cost to adopt a child. An agency adoption is about $11,000, which covers the services provided to you and birth parents throughout the adoption process. These fees are broken down into three parts: Becoming an approved applicant, moving on to the active list and placement fees charged to finalize an adoption once the child is in your care.

2)What is the procedure to adopt?

a. Our application to adopt needs to be filled out giving information about yourselves, the child you would accept, and references for yourselves.
b. Once the criminal record check and the request for intervention record check have been returned, you have attended the weekend seminar, and your references have been checked out, we arrange for a home study report to be done by one of our social workers.
c. When the home study report is complete, you are ready to go onto our wait list and write a letter to the birth parents. This is a letter introducing yourselves to them with pictures of you and your life.
Application Forms can be found here.

3) What is the average wait for a child?

The average wait for a family is between six and thirty months.

4) Can the birth parents take the child away from us later?

No, the birth mother or father cannot take the child away. The birth mother and father  signs consents at the time the child is placed and has 10 days in which to revoke those consents.

5) Can we choose the sex of the child?

Most families are accepting of whatever gender the child born would be. If a family were to specify the gender they would accept, it would decrease the number of times when their file would be shown (where child already born).

6) Is there counselling available for us and the birth parents?

Yes, part of the costs involved in an adoption are for this specific purpose. We are here with trained professional social workers to help with every step of the process for both the birth parents and the adopting parents, and their families.


Friday 21 December 2012

Day 9...12 Days of Adoption Christms

This time of year we are thinking about how all our christmases will be from now on. We are thinking about our childhood and the traditions we grew up with. Jason and I grew up with very different traditions. Jason grew up in catholic home and spent time at church during the holiday. The Burns family opens all their gifts on xmas eve, and only has what Santa brought to open on Christmas day. Which is becoming something we have to compromise on. In the Cowles home we only opened 1 gift, plus the one gift that had some new xmas pj's in them. Out stockings were left at the end of our beds and we were not allowed to wake our parents up till 8am, then we opened everything. We where usually done around 11, then watched a new movie then dinner.

We are very excited to create our traditions but also want to instil in our child that isn't just about the gifts. The traditions I want to share with my child is the saving gifts for xmas morning. Xmas eve is meant for games, hanging out and just taking a moment to cherish each other. Gifts are not the meaning of Christmas they are the cherry on top of it all.

I want the PJ fairy to visit.

I also want to start a wishing tree, where every year we tie ribbons on a tree and they stay on till the following year to see if your wish came true!

The month of December is the month of Gratitude and Charity. We have not figured out all the details, but every day in the advent calendar there is a mission of gratitude and charity. When they are small the missions will be small and grow as they grow. Hopefully instilling giving and kindness, instead of greed and selfishness.

We are enjoying this quiet christmas with a few family gatherings but mostly by ourselves. It will be our last one with just the two of us!!

Merry Christmas!!






Monday 17 December 2012

Day 8... of 12 Days of Adoption Christmas

Day 8.. Home for the Holidays

Last year we sat down to watch some TV and we stumbled on this show. I have watched it before but last year it was special. We had just met with the Adoption agency and decided to move forward with Adoption.
This year this show means so much more to us and our families. We want to have foster care adoption become part of our families journey as well.

A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
DEC. 19 @ 8 PM et

On Wednesday, CBS will air the 14th annual "A Home for the Holidays." This powerful special shares stories of foster care adoption and features performances from some of America's top musical talent. We at the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption are proud to be a part of this event since 1999 with our partners, Wendy's, CBS, Triage Entertainment, Goldsmith Entertainment, and the Children's Action Network.
This year, the stories of four exceptional families who have been touched by adoption will be featured along with a segment that gives a voice to children in foster care still waiting to find permanent and loving homes to call their own.
These inspirational stories will be accompanied by performances by Rascal Flatts, Phillip Phillips, Rachel Crow, Matchbox Twenty, and Melissa Ethridge. Celebrity personalities Kevin Frazier, Wayne Brady, Jillian Michaels and Julie Chen also will present.
During the show, talk with the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption on Twitter about foster care adoption by using the hashtag #AHFTH. We'll be around during the show to answer any questions you have about adoption from foster care and to discuss the special.
Join us Dec. 19 at 8 p.m. ET to see the joy of having a family through the eyes of a child -- not just for the holidays, but forever.

Saturday 15 December 2012

Day 7...12 Days of Adoption Christmas

Sharing,

A few months back I introduced you to 2 blogs I follow about Adoption. They both are now experiencing the joys of parenting. Very different stories but both equally inspiring
!I find the blogs to be mostly international adoption and mostly all families are a part of a church. I have  an understanding of the bible quotes, and little inspirations from church as we too are asking the world for a child. 

We ourselves are becoming better, I am making a concious effort to not swear any more, (I know Mom, your happy about that one), not judge and be happy with what I have. Those have been my promises to the world. If we are asking the world, the universe, God or whoever you think is listening to grace us with a child I must give back to the world some how. I must become better then I am for the child that we will be so honoured to parent. 


Hopefully as time goes on our promises to the world become bigger, become less about me,  as these families have done. I am inspired by them to do more for my world, for the children. I have yet to figure out where my path will lead me.



-LC



http://growingourharts.blogspot.ca/

http://www.addingaburden.com/

Here are some more blogs I just started to follow. So inspiring, 

http://www.tinygreenelephants.com/

http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/

http://teamparkerblog.wordpress.com/adoption-timelines/

Thursday 13 December 2012

Day 6... 12 Days of Adoption Christmas!

A wish , a happy thought put out into the world!

We wished for you to come quick, to be healthy, and happy. We wished for our family to come together as it should be. We put it out into the world and trust that will come true!

See you soon little one, our arms our waiting and we have so many kisses for you!!




Monday 10 December 2012

Day 5... 12 Days of Adoption Christmas

Day 5 is a fun one. I just finished watching, The Life of Timothy Green. It is an inspiring story of a family coming together. There are a few moments in the movie we have been through ourselves. It is important for kids to see this movie as it touches on bullying, acceptance of others and puts adoption in perspective so children can understand. So grab a bowl of popcorn and enjoy!


Saturday 8 December 2012

Day 4....12 days of Christmas!

More Fun Facts about Adoption!!!


  1. Who can adopt in Canada?
    In theory, practically anyone. Although some agencies have certain rules and regulations regarding issues such as religion, race, age, marital status, sexual orientation and so on. In general, as long as you're a Canadian citizen over 18 and don't have a criminal record, you have as much right to become a parent as anyone else.
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  2. How long does it take?
    There's no set time. It all depends on which route you pursue. For instance, if you're looking to adopt a newborn in Canada, it could take you at least a year. Overseas, on the other hand, the wait will be longer. A lot will depend on you -- what kind of child you're interested in, how much time, money and energy you're willing to invest in your search, how anxious you are to become a parent, and of course, luck.
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  3. How much does it cost?
    Once again, a lot will depend on what kind of child you're interested in adopting. For children adopted through the public system, for instance, there is usually no fee at all. Most private adoptions, on the other hand, range from about $15,000-$25,000 (for a child born in Canada) to about $25,000-$50,000+ (for a child born in the United States or overseas).
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  4. How does the adoption process work?
    Every case is different. Adoption and child welfare come under provincial jurisdiction, so each province has it own laws and regulations.
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  5. Can we adopt a baby from another province?
    In many cases, yes, you can. Keep in mind that some provinces are more restrictive than others. It all depends on where you live and where the child you want to adopt lives or is born.
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  6. Can we adopt a baby from another country?
    Yes, you can, although it's a little trickier. In addition to meeting the adoption criteria within your province, you have to meet the criteria of your child's country of origin. For more information, contact a private agency, since they're the only ones who can help arrange an overseas adoption.
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  7. What's the first thing we should do if we're ready to adopt?
    Adoption is all about options. Therefore, the first you should do is gather as much information about the process as you can. This will save you time, money, and frustration down the road. Find out the laws in your province, the requirements and the limitations, and don't rush into any situation until you've got all the facts.
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  8. Who can help us get started?
    There are many groups, organizations, individuals and resources you can turn to. The Adoption Council of Canada is a good place to start, particularly the How-to-Adopt Seminars that are offered in some provinces. If you know couples or individuals who have gone through the process, speak to them. Support groups, you'll find, are another great resource to tap into. Also contact public and private adoption agencies, adoptionlicensees and adoption practitioners to see what they can offer you. As far as web sites go, Familyhelper.netis a great resource, as is its companion newsletter of the same name. As well, read up on as much as you can. For more information, check out out our Adoption Books and Helpful Links pages. 
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  9. What's the next thing we should do?
    Develop a strategy. One of the first things you'll have to do is decide what kind of child you'd like to adopt -- newborn, international or special needs. Then, based on the information you've collected, find out the best way to reach your goal. Focusing on a specific goal is important, but be prepared to pursue other avenues, just in case things don't work out. Also, make arrangements to get a home study.
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  10. What's a home study?
    home study is an assessment of your skills as a person and prospective adoptive parent. It's also something of an adoption primer, designed to prepare you for some of the responsibilities that lie ahead. Although you can start your search for a baby before or while your home study is being completed, your adoption won't be approved until it's done.
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  11. What kinds of adoption are available in Canada?
    The main choices are: public domesticprivate domestic, private international overseas and private international US.
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  12. How do they differ?
    The main differences are the costs, time line and the type of child available.
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  13. What's public domestic adoption?
    Public adoptions are arranged through government agencies like the Children's Aid Society. There's usually no fee involved but the waiting period for a healthy newborn is long -- at least eight years. Most of the children available through public agencies are special needs children -- older children with behavioural or learning disabilities, sibling groups or children that are difficult to place for adoption.
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  14. What's a private domestic adoption?
    Private domestic adoptions are arranged by provincially-approved licensees or agencies. They're more expensive but the waiting period for a newborn is much less -- anywhere from one to three years, although there's no guarantee. The costs for a private domestic adoption range from about $10,000 to $15,000.
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  15. What's an international adoption?
    International adoptions are arranged through private agencies. The waiting period can often be as short as two years, and the costs run between $30,000 and $50,000+. The children are not newborns and of a different race or nationality. US adoption is also considered an international adoption.
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  16. What's the difference between adoption and foster care?
    Adoption is permanent, whereas foster care is a short term or temporary arrangement. With foster care, a child is usually placed with a family for a limited time while the birth parents make a decision regarding their - and the child's -- future. In the end, they may choose to raise their child themselves.
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  17. Which of the adoption alternatives do most adoptive parents choose?
    Overseas adoption, by a wide margin. The main reason is that they tend to be less volatile than domestic adoptions since birthparents are not involved, and there are more options to choose from.
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  18. What are the most popular sources of overseas babies?
    In recent years, it's been China, Russia, Korea and Haiti.
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  19. How many babies are adopted each year from overseas?
    About 2,000.
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  20. How many healthy newborns are adopted each year from within Canada?
    It's hard to say for sure, but the number is thought to be in the hundreds rather than the thousands, with the majority of them coming from Ontario.
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  21. Why are there so few newborns available?
    Many reasons: While the pool of adoptive parents has steadily grown, partly because couples are starting their families later in life, the number of birth mothers has shrunk, partly because of the growing acceptance of single parenthood and our generous social programs.
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  22. What's open adoption?
    Open adoption is any situation where the birth mother and the adoptive family know each other and exchange identifying information. How much information is determined by the two parties, and can include everything from swapping social and legal histories to letters and photos, and in some cases, even visits. It is the opposite of closed adoption, which until recently was the adoption standard.
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  23. What's the difference between open adoption and private adoption?
    A private adoption can be an open adoption. Private adoption simply means it's a non-governmental adoption.
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  24. What's the difference between adopting through Canada Adopts! and going through a private agency?
    Canada Adopts! is a search tool -- a method to help you find a woman with an unplanned pregnancy considering adoption. We don't arrange adoptions and we don't facilitate them. As a result, you still need to go through an adoption licensee-- an individual or private agency -- to help you get your adoption processed. In some cases, licensees may be able to help you in your search as well, although outreach is generally not a huge priority for them due to the time and financial commitments involved.
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  25. Is one alternative better than the other?
    As far as your search is concerned, no. It really depends on your budget and what type of person you are -- whether you like to take the initiative or whether you'd rather have someone else take it for you. If you belong to the first group, then Canada Adopts! is a great place to start your search. If, on the other hand, you fall into the second one, then you're better off considering an agency, even with the extra costs. Then again, you could consider using both methods. Just remember that no matter which route you choose to search for a child, you'll still need to get your adoption processed. And, given that some provinces have restrictions on advertising by adoptive parents, you may not even have a choice. 
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  26. What kind of professional help will we need to adopt?
    A provincially-approved adoption practitioner can walk you through the home study. You can find one through an adoption agency or, in some provinces like Ontario, independently. Depending on which route you take, you'll also need an adoption licensee or agency to help you with the legal requirements.
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  27. Is there a way of speeding up the process?
    On the domestic front, registering with more than one agency will increase your chances of finding a match. Another way to beat the odds is to pursue more than one alternative at a time. For instance, just because you've decided that you'd like to work with a public agency doesn't mean you can't explore a private one. If, on the other hand, you've set your sights on international adoption, some countries such as China and Vietnam can offer you a child faster than others. Again, it all depends on what kind of child you're after and what your tolerance to risk is.

Wednesday 5 December 2012

Day 3 of 12 Days of Adoption Christmas

We learn how to talk about adoption  when we went to our seminar back in June. We thought we would pass on the information to you all. We want everyone to feel comfortable talking about Adoption with us.
I especially do not like, REAL parents, I know someone will ask me if I am my child's real parent if the baby does not look similar to me. I am preparing myself for the answer. Something else that I am getting ready for is that once our baby comes to us, adoption will be talked about openly but not with strangers, but because of adoption and it being 'different' then the norm, people will feel they have the right to know how our family came together, but I don't ask about your vaginal birth baby or your c-section child. We are open about adoption but once our baby comes it will not be as present as it is now, the baby will be the most important thing to us, not adoption.


Correct/Accurate Adoption Terminology* 
Incorrect
Accurate
Real Parent/natural parent
Birthparent
Real mom/real dad
Birthmother/birthfather
Adoptive parent/adoptive mom/adoptive dad
Parents/mom/dad
Adopted child/own child
My child
Giving away/relinquishing/putting up for adoption/put up
Making an adoption plan
Keeping the baby
Deciding to parent
Foster child
Child in foster care
Adoptable/eligible/available
Waiting or child in need of a family
Child of their own (very offensive)
Birth child
Foreign adoption
International adoption
Is adopted
WAS adopted
Adopted OUT
Made an adoption plan
Real (blood) relative
Birth relative
Raped
Sexually assaulted or sexually abused
Beaten/hit
Physically abused
Adopted OUT OF the foster care system
Adopted through or from the foster care system
Normal child
Typically developing child

Sunday 2 December 2012

Day 2 of 12 Days of ADOPTION Christmas

Just got a message from a friend politely asking why we are adopting.

I have responded to her and asked if I could post it.



 'Thank you for your kind words. Adoption is how our family is coming together and we, along with our families are thrilled.

Why not Adopt? Every child needs a family. We are a couple who wants to create a family unit full of love, happiness, fun, imagination ,creativity and joy and the ups and downs of growing up. We want to share and learn with a child and experience the growing of a child into an adult.

At the beginning I was offended when people asked me why we were adopting. Many feelings came through me. Why is it any of your business why we are adopting? Why does it matter?  I always felt like people thought it was our second choice. 

As we move through the adoption process We are very proud we were adopting and this was going to be our story so it didn't bother to talk about it. It shouldn't matter that we are adopting, EVER. Some people don't know that after we got married we always talked about adoption to be a part of our family. We actually went to the adoption agency before we went to the fertility clinic. Before we even understood what was going on. Here is that back story:


We visited the adoption agency November of 2011, Our first appt at the fertility clinic was January 2012. After we had been trying for 3 yrs it was time to move on and get answers. We had the adoption application filled out when the Doctor told us that he thinks I have endometriosis and I will need a surgery to correct it and we will go from there. We were looking for a solution to my everyday pain, which was horrible everyday and if it helped us conceive then that would be a bonus. I needed to sort out my pain and health before bringing a child into our home no matter how it came to us. Because of the surgery and the recovery we decided to not put in the adoption application until after the surgery. Also the agency does not allow you to adopt within a yr of having or adopting another child or have surgery while being on the list. Your file would be put on hold until fully recovered. The surgery came and went. The outcome was devastating, but knowing how we had opened our hearts to adoption it was just a transition we needed to make. I cannot have children without help or seriously affecting my health and my life. My lower abdomen was completely covered with scar tissue from endo, and he tried to burn some of it off but it was to severe. I will never forget hearing the words come out of his mouth in recovery, "its best you do not have children, there is too much damage and your life will be in serious danger." I went through anger, sadness and still have emotions hit hard every now and then. Our decision to adopt was right in front of us the entire time, and we are very happy to be adopting. 


Adoption as you can see was not a second choice, it was there all along and it turned out to be the journey we will take to find our family. So even though we discovered I could not have children, adoption was right fit for our family, right from the beginning."


We have been growing our child in our hearts and not in my tummy for 2.5 months now. For some reason this feels like this was my path all along. I had said to Jay I think at the 2 yr mark of trying to conceive, "Does it matter if we know or not that we cannot have children, let's adopt!"  It's like I knew all long that this would be our journey and I needed it to play out the way it did to be able to get where I am right now! Thankful and grateful for my journey and what is to come!

-LC









Day 1 of 12 Days of ADOPTION Christmas

Let's Start at the beginning!

We have answered these questions many times over, which is ok. Some of you wanna ask and haven't. So here are the basics.

Adoption involves many options and avenues of research and questions that seem to be neverending. These are some of the more common ones we hear.

– What is Adoption?
A – Adoption is the legal and permanent transfer of parental rights from a person or couple to another person or couple.  Adoptive parents have the same responsibilities and legal rights as biological parents.

– What are the different types of adoption?
– There are five main categories of adoption.
  1. Adopting an infant, child or youth  from the Canadian child welfare system  (Public)
  2. Adopting an infant or child (Private)
  3. Adopting a child from another country (International)
  4. Adopting a stepchild/children
  5. Adopting a birth relative (Kinship adoption)

– What are the qualifications to adopt?
A- In Canada, adoption is regulated provincially. That means the qualifications and regulations around adoption may change slightly depending upon where you live. They may also differ depending upon whether you adopt privately, through the public system, or internationally. No matter what province you live in, all potential adoptive parents must complete a home study that has been conducted by qualified social worker.  Most provinces require some type of adoption readiness training or preparation before parents are permitted to adopt. 

– What is the cost to adopt?
A – The cost of adoption depends on a number of variables; the type of adoption you undertake, whether you work with an agency, the province you reside in and any associated travel costs.  It costs very little to adopt through the public child welfare system in Canada.
Range of Adoption Costs
Public (foster care) - $0 - $3,000
Licensed Private Agency - $10,000 - $20,000
International - $20,000 - $30,000

Q – How long does the adoption process take?
A- The process of adopting can range from 9 months to 9 years, depending upon what type of adoption you undertake.  If you are adopting internationally, the process varies according to the other country involved.  One way to help speed up an adoption is to be educated, informed and as proactive as possible.
 Q – What is a home study?
A – A home study is an in-depth application and interview process conducted by a qualified social worker.  Potential adoptive parents are interviewed and undergo various reference, police and background checks and home visits.  Home study requirements vary from province to province but follow the guidelines set by each province. They can take from three to six months to complete, after initiation.

Q – Is there any financial assistance available to adoptive parents?
A – The federal government offers a tax credit in the tax year an adoption is finalized. Some provinces also offer tax credits.  Additionally, the National Bank of Canada offers loans  for some adoption cases. 
Please find more information at

Q – Who are the children in foster care?
– Children are placed in foster care because their biological families can no longer care for them. Sometimes, this is a result of neglect, abuse or abandonment.  Some children are adopted separately, and some as part of a sibling group.  The average age in foster care is ten (10), though children range from infants to teenagers.  Every race, ethnic group and socioeconomic category is represented.

Q – What is the difference between a private agency and a public agency?
A – A public agency is the local branch of your provincial or area social service department.  Public agencies, like Children’s Aid Societies, are responsible for finding adoptive families for children in their care.
A private agency is a provincially licensed organization. These agencies either operate on a non-profit basis or for profit. Private agencies typically specialize in domestic infant adoption and/or international adoption.

Q – Are there age restrictions to adopt?
A – Restrictions around ages of potential adoptive parents can vary depending upon what type of adoption you undertake, the agency you work with, the ages of children being matched and intercountry requirements.  Ask about this when you first begin doing research into the kind of adoption you pursue.