Am I a woman?

This question has been bouncing around my mind lately. I recently have switched my Endometriosis medication and that has thrown me for a loop. I am terrified of the meds I am taking to control it because of the high risk of cancer that hormone balancing meds have. The new one is no where near the strength as my last last ones but I feel like it will work with managing my pain moderatley. I have been on them for a month and I am not myself. I feel cloudy and swollen. I don't remember things, I say words when I mean others, I am not as cheerful.  This is menopause. I am a 35 yr old in Menopause. Since finding out I can't have children I find it hard to connect to the women around me. Lately I feel like I am not a woman. I have lost the most powerful experience a woman could have. Our role as women is to be able to create life. I cannot do that.

I know in my head that I am woman and birthing a child doesn't make me one, but it connects me with the women in my life. I have women in my life with fertility issues but they were successful with 1 or multiple pregnancies. I do not know anyone that has not experienced what I feel. I lost part of being a women and with all the hassle and difficulty with pain and meds it reminds everyday of this heart ache.

I also keep thinking about the baby and I know it will be painful as well as joyful to hold my baby for the first time. I have become to numb to world of pregnancies around me and I am just waiting and hoping for the arrival to happen today but I am scared as well. I know that the pain of this feeling will diminish over time and when I become a Mother I can connect to women on other levels but it will take time.


Lauren

PS My meds also effect my emotions and I am up and down all the time. I am emotional.