⁂ Holiday Wishes to our Friends & Family ⁂

We are so thankful for our family and friends this holiday season.  Especially those who we've met this year and become closer with through our adoption journey.

Our strength to endure comes from all of *you*  Thank you for listening to our stories, our joy, our strife, and our pain.  Being with us every step of the way.

Lauren and I have not only grown stronger as people this past year, but we know we will be amazing parents, and that is because of so many of YOU!

Our own parents have shown us incredible love and support.  But we have also grown closer with family and friends who are amazing parents in their own right.  We love being around your children, because you are raising them into such awesome little people that it only strengthens us to do the same.

We watch all of it : your parenting patience, your love, your hugs, your tolerance, your stories... all of this means so much to us because we respect you all so much as parents.

Although we've been waiting for years to start our own family, this holiday season we reflect at how incredible our close family and friends are, and how lucky our little person is going to be one day in knowing all of you.


Thank you.  We love you all.   Merry Christmas!  ♡

I Will Wait

years of waiting have only strengthened our resolve at being the best parents & grow into the best people we could possibly ever be... for you. the story is just beginning. the first page of your own story is going to join our book    #soon #adoption #love

I WILL WAIT

When The Holidays Arrive, But The Baby Doesn’t : Tips for Waiting Parents

From Canada Adopts!  www.canadaadopts.com

The following article at Canada Adopts really encompasses the thoughts and emotions we are going through right now and for waiting parents.  

Lauren and I are dealing with a lot of emotion and changing our routines, trying to stay focused.  As much as we want to be around and with all of you this holiday season, until you wait for adoption (and for this long), it's difficult to know how we feel. 

Last Christmas was so difficult for us, we're not sure how this one is going to go.  All we know, is that we are going to be there for each other, and do the things which make us feel the most comfortable.  If we had a baby right now we would be shouting it to the highest mountain, so right now our natural instinct can be to climb underneath that mountain.

So hope this article gives a little more perspective from parents waiting for adoption, but also that our resolve is true and we are determined to make it through.

- Jason

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The holidays are almost here. But while other people are excited and looking forward to their arrival with breathless anticipation, you’re dreading them and looking back.

To this time last year, to be exact.

Remember how powerless you felt as you watched others celebrate the season with their children?

Remember how you felt like you were missing out on something special? That everyone else was having a great time except you?

And remember how you vowed to never go through another holiday season childless and promised you would be a parent by now?

But yet, here you are, one year later, one year older, and still waiting.

What happened? How did another year slip by?

It’s not like you sat around and did nothing. You worked hard. You did so much. And yet looking at your situation today, you would never know it.

Waiting to adopt is difficult any time of the year. But it’s particularly hard now.

This is the time when the pressure builds to make this the best holiday ever. For everything to be just perfect.

But when so much of the season is centered around children and seeing things through their eyes, finding joy can be a challenge.

And yet there are ways to survive the holidays and, yes, to even enjoy them.

Here are some tips to help you.

Remind yourself the holidays are short

For all the pain they cause, the holidays come only once a year and don’t last forever. So enjoy them while you can. Before you know it they’ll be over.

Keep things in perspective

When I was waiting to adopt,  I dreaded this time of the year. I couldn’t wait for it to end. That’s because I didn’t see the holidays for what they are: a time to spend time with family and friends and to find joy through giving rather than receiving.

Know your triggers

Does the sight of small children or a pregnant women make you upset? When you see a stroller or a toy store do you feel like bursting into tears? If so, limit your exposure to them. Being aware of what causes you pain can help you control it and make you feel less powerless.

Decide which social occasions to attend and which to avoid

The holiday season is full of social events. But you don’t have to show up at all of them. Be strategic. Yes, put in an appearance at the office party. But skip the one given by your friend with the new baby if you don’t feel up to it.

Be prepared

This is the time of year when parties and small talk reign supreme. So don’t be surprised if you find yourself cornered by someone you’ve never met before and being peppered with questions about how many children you have. Get ahead of the game. Knowing those questions are coming, arm yourself with answers ahead of time.

Be honest

If you haven’t told your family or friends that you’re struggling to start your family or trying to adopt, now is the time to do it. Sharing your story will take the weight off your shoulders, especially if they keep asking you the same questions about when are you going to have kids. Not to mention there’s a good chance they already know.

If you feel uncomfortable being around children, let your family and friends know

You know your family and friends better than anyone. If you think telling them about how you’re feeling will make them more sensitive toward you, go for it. It won’t solve all your problems. But at least they can’t say they didn’t know. Plus, it’s a great way to get them to join you on your journey.

Connect with other waiting parents

It’s easy to feel isolated and powerless when the holidays are here. But you’re not alone. There are lots of people just like you. Your family and friends may not realize what you’re going through, but other waiting parents will.

Do something special for yourself

Many waiting parents fall into the trap of blaming themselves for their inability to start a family. But it’s not their fault. So don’t beat yourself up. Treat yourself. Give yourself a gift. Get a massage or go away for the weekend. Do something  that makes you feel good about yourself

Do something special for someone else

When you’re sad and depressed, it’s easy to lose perspective. But there many people who are also struggling and worse off than you are. Reach out to them with small acts of kindness. Make a donation or volunteer your time. They’ll feel better and so will you.

Keep living your life

Once the holidays are here, it’s tempting to withdraw and do nothing. But putting your life on hold won’t help you reach your goal any faster. Harness the positive energy around you and do something positive that will make a difference in your life or someone else’s.

Keep a journal

The adoption process is like being on an emotional roller coaster. It robs you of control. Writing your thoughts down is a great way to find an outlet for your emotions and get a better understanding about what you’re going through.

Take care of yourself

Adopting a child is hard work. It requires strength and stamina. To stay on top of things, you need to stay strong.  Eat well, sleep well, and get regular exercise. Don’t let yourself go. Your baby could come at any time and you want to make sure you’re ready.

Be flexible

We all like to set deadlines. Deadlines keep us focused and give us something to work toward. But keep in mind that in adoption anything can happen. Things can change from one moment to the next. So if you do create a timetable, be prepared to adjust it.

Take a break

You’ve worked hard all year to turn your dream into a reality. So why not use the down time to reward yourself with a break. You won’t lose out on anything. And there’s lots to gain. Taking time off will help you recharge your batteries, letting you slide into the New Year with renewed energy and confidence.

Take pride in your accomplishments

When you’re waiting to adopt, it’s easy to dwell on what you haven’t achieved. But don’t lose sight of the things that you have accomplished over the past 12 months. Whether it was completing your home study, finding an agency, creating your adoption profile or joining an adoptive parent support group, you’re probably a lot further ahead now than you were at this time last year.

Try new things

Nothing will take your mind off things and motivate you more than taking on a new project. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a new language, take up the piano, join a pottery class, or give pilates a try, now is the time to do it. You’ll feel energized. And the time will go by faster too.

Embrace the uncertainty

Some adoption matches happen right away, others take more time. So don’t get angry if everyone else seems to be adopting before you.  Adoption isn’t a competition and it’s not about who can find the fastest match. Your child will join you when the time is right and all of the waiting you’ve done will be worth it.

The holidays can be a difficult time when you’re waiting to adopt. But with the right attitude and preparation you can get through them in one piece and make the most of them. Just keep going, keep busy and follow these three words of advice: don’t give up.

16 Things Adopting Parents Want An Expectant Mother Considering Adoption To Know

Written by Lawrence Morton of Canada Adopts!

http://www.canadaadopts.com/

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As adopting parents, we know this is a difficult time for you.

And while we don’t understand everything you’re going through, we do have a sense of some of the challenges you may be facing as you consider an adoption plan for your baby.

In many ways, we’re on the other side of the same coin.

Whereas you’re thinking of placing your baby for adoption, we would love nothing better than to adopt a baby through adoption.

And like you, we want only the best for your child.

So while it may seem strange to hear this from us, people you don’t know and have never met, we want you to know that we already love you and your child more than words can say.

Here are 16 other things that we, as hopeful adoptive parents, want you to know.

1. We can’t wait to meet you.

Really, we can’t. Adoption may be a new idea for you, but not for us. It’s been a journey that has been years in the making. We’ve gone through adoption education and preparation classes, and undergone a thorough screening process to get approved. If there’s one thing we know, it’s this: We couldn't be more ready to adopt.

2. We’re excited about adopting.

It’s true, adoption may not have been our first choice initially. But the days of yearning for a child who would have our chin or the same eye color are long over. For us, pregnancy is no longer the goal. Parenting is. And adoption is the path we’ve chosen to get there.

3. We know you’re making your decision out of love.

We know that you’re about to make one of the toughest decisions of your life. We also know that you’re making it out of love for your child — to provide her with the future you want her to have but aren’t able to provide at this stage in your life. No matter where you are, you will always have a special place in our hearts and our home.

4. We will love your child as much as you do.

The fact that we won’t give birth to our child makes no difference to us. If you decide that we are the parents you’re looking for, we promise that we will love your child to the moon and back and shower him with all the love and affection we have to give. As you’ll find, we have a lot more in common than you may think.

5. We realize this is a scary time for you.

We know this experience must feel surreal at times, and that you’re worried about letting people down, starting with your child. But we also know that when the time comes, you’ll step up to the plate and make the right decision for you and him. And we’ll be there to back you every step of the way, whatever you decide to do.

6. We won’t judge you.

We know that if it were possible you would move heaven and earth to keep your baby and raise him yourself. We also know that contrary to what some people may think, you’re neither selfish nor taking the easy way out. Others may question you and your intentions, but we won’t.

7. We’re nervous too.

Although we’re excited about adopting, we don’t know where our journey will take us any more than you do. We worry that you won’t like us, that we’ll say the wrong thing or that we’ll do something that will mess up our chances of becoming parents. But we also know that together, with open minds and open hearts, we can work our way through this and come out stronger in the end.

8. We’re not perfect either.

Even though our profile may make us out to be the perfect family, we’re just as human as everyone else. We make mistakes and have our share of ups and downs, and we try to learn from them as best we can. To be honest, we won’t be perfect parents either. But we could be perfect for your child.

9. We know you’re not sure whether we’re the right family for you.

We know you’re worried that you might not find the right family for your child. Or that the family you do pick may not be everything you thought they would be. If you have questions about us, we’re happy to answer them. We want you to be as comfortable with us as we are with you.

10. We also have questions about the future.

We know you don’t have all the answers. We don’t, either. But by putting your child’s interests first, we’re confident that we’ll find common ground that will allow us to build a strong future together.

11. We want you to be a part of our lives.

For us, adoption is an ongoing process. If you choose us, our relationship with you won’t end the day when you place your child into our arms. It will still continue. We want you to be there as your child grows up so that you can see for yourself how much she is loved, cherished and cared for.

12. We’ll do your best to follow through on our promises.

We know it’s hard for you to put your faith in people who are complete strangers, especially when it involves someone as precious as your child. But rest assured that we will do everything we can to earn your trust and honor the commitments we make to you.

13. We won’t pressure you to make a decision.

We know that you can change your mind any time. And though it will be hard for us if you do, we will respect your decision. We won’t try to change your mind or force you to do anything against your will. We know that whatever you decide, it will made with your child’s best interests in mind.

14. Be gentle with us.

Like you, we’re still trying to get our heads around this thing called adoption. There’s a huge learning curve and just like you, we want to get it right. So if we call you a “birthmother” or refer to your baby as “our baby,” don’t judge us too harshly. We know there will be bumps along the road, and we’re just trying to do the best we can.

15. We understand that you will always be your child’s mother.

Although we may one day be honored to become your baby’s adoptive parents, please know that you will always be her mother and that we will always talk about you with love and respect.

16. We will never forget you or the difficult choice you’ve made.

Don’t think for a moment that we don’t understand the repercussions of your decision or the responsibility that you’ll entrust to us if you choose us as parents for your baby. Adopting your child will help us build our family. But we know that it will also result in a loss for you that will require grieving and healing.

We hope this gives you a better idea about our thoughts and feelings about adoption and the role that you would play in our life if you chose to place your baby with us. We know that you have some tough choices ahead as you try to make the best decision for you and your baby. May you find peace and contentment, whatever you decide to do.

My identity in print

When we do a home study for the adoption process, it is often that our lives are looked at to ensure we are the right people to have a child.  Our relationship is interviewed, our past brought to light, our habits, how we act, how we fight, how we teach, how we love, how we intend to parent.

It's not something that is all-together pleasant, but in the end you really take an introspective look at who you are and make you as best prepared to bring a child into your life.  It's beneficial, and painful at the same time.

Now something that you all may or may not know, is that to get on the adoption list you need to get a criminal record check done.  Makes a lot of sense, as I know that my Dad for instance has done so for something as simple as volunteering at his local church.

What has happened to me multiple times now since undergoing the criminal check, is getting "flagged" because my birthday happens to fall on the same day as someone who has a criminal record.  Now you can change your name, but it's tough to change your birthday, and of course not your fingerprints.  So again I've had my fingerprints taken at the local RCMP so that we can get clarification that I am who I am.

I find solace in knowing that although there has been so little progress lately, that this is at least something, preparing us for the next step.  

JB