― Maya Angelou
Saturday 21 February 2015
#hope
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”
― Maya Angelou
― Maya Angelou
Tuesday 10 February 2015
Facing Fear
Lauren and I do a lot to stay positive. We have spent a lot of time moving towards and absorbing the positive things and people in our lives. But fear, pain, and despair will always try to come creeping back in. What we've learned, is you need to face it. It's easy to look around, and feel the agony of the wait and the time that has passed. You can't avoid it (because it always finds you) or it will eat you alive.
Facing our fears is just as important as moving towards the positive. We didn't want the winter snow to fall outside last year, symbolically knowing we had to wait another winter without a baby. But it has, and it is. There is nothing we can do to change that. Each night the cold feelings come back to us, and pierce through the darkness of that empty room. But we turn on the light in the nursery every day, to help shine hope and separate our body from our minds.
We can then look into the future and see how happy we are going to be.
Also look over all the amazing people that are in our lives, where we've come from, what we have now, and how happy we already are.
So the nursery can start with overwhelming sadness, but as we face it, that turns into hope. I know that now I can pick up the kids toys, thinking about them and how fun it will be. I can look at all the books we have and how excited I'm going to be reading them. I can nap in the rocking chair and find peace that it will happen when it happens (it always helps when one of the dogs jumps up and sleeps with me too).
Music has always been a huge inspiration to me, and I've also taken solace now in many of my favorite artists. I'm finding songs that I've never really listened too before, and just skipped over. But now they are starting to hold such great meaning and give me comfort:
Social Distortion - Cold Feelings
Another beautiful day, another cold night, but we will find our way through it, and turn on that light.
Jason
Facing our fears is just as important as moving towards the positive. We didn't want the winter snow to fall outside last year, symbolically knowing we had to wait another winter without a baby. But it has, and it is. There is nothing we can do to change that. Each night the cold feelings come back to us, and pierce through the darkness of that empty room. But we turn on the light in the nursery every day, to help shine hope and separate our body from our minds.
We can then look into the future and see how happy we are going to be.
Also look over all the amazing people that are in our lives, where we've come from, what we have now, and how happy we already are.
So the nursery can start with overwhelming sadness, but as we face it, that turns into hope. I know that now I can pick up the kids toys, thinking about them and how fun it will be. I can look at all the books we have and how excited I'm going to be reading them. I can nap in the rocking chair and find peace that it will happen when it happens (it always helps when one of the dogs jumps up and sleeps with me too).
Music has always been a huge inspiration to me, and I've also taken solace now in many of my favorite artists. I'm finding songs that I've never really listened too before, and just skipped over. But now they are starting to hold such great meaning and give me comfort:
Social Distortion - Cold Feelings
Another beautiful day, another cold night, but we will find our way through it, and turn on that light.
Jason
Saturday 7 February 2015
#inspiration
Lauren and I started to recently update and re-do parts of our Adoption profile book for the birthmothers, partly because we need more recent pictures and words, but we received some incredible inspiration from our new-found friend through Adoption Ali M. Thanks Ali! :)
Speaking of inspiration, I wanted to share mt own personal page on inspiration. Really because I focus on my father, and recently I got to go to see our beloved home-town Calgary Flames just over a week ago. Actually the great story there (to re-iterate what I posted before about #balance) was that I got those tickets as a gift from my Regional Manager at Moxie's (you rock Jen), which came right from the President of the company. Just because they thought I was really trying to make a difference and working hard at my job. Can't express how awesome that felt, but also that I was able to take my Dad, who at the ripe young age of 82 hasn't been to a game in years and it was an incredible experience we won't soon forget.
Have to say though that the Flames need a disclaimer when Johnny Hockey does his magic and dipsy-doodles on a breakaway because we both jumped out of our seats a few times I could have tumbled! (haha, and for anyone who knows me well, we wouldn't want that again, but that's another story).
Anyhow, here is my Adoption book page on inspiration:
Yes, that's me talking to a goat. (RIP Garrett. You're in my heart old friend, will miss our chats!)
But all goats aside, when we starting updating our book lots of emotions starting flooding back, things we thought about at the start of this process years ago.
My Mom was always the tough one, who was loving, but laid down the law :) I still hold a special connection with her because she organized so much and wanted the best for us, and as a teacher always made sure I was learning from everything that happened in life. She has always held an overwhelming and extroverted love and affection for those she loves, and is always full of hugs and kisses (and yes still pinches my cheeks and calls me her baby.. geesh, haha).
When we think of ourselves as a parent though, I hold a special place in my heart for my father Donald Burns. He is the biggest reason why I wanted to become a father, because I wanted to emulate him and make him proud. Dad has always been the quiet one (of the two), but when he spoke it resonated with me. Always a quick wit, dry humor, well spoken, and clever... oh man you want this guy on your trivial pursuit team! But you knew he was always there, always a shoulder to cry on, always someone who gave 110% for his kids.
Dad is so inspiring because of his patience and unrelenting love. He would work long days at the office, but when he came home (after a 15 minute power nap of course) he always made time for me. We did so much together, and through his patience he helped parent me with support and love. And you never wanted to let him down. It still motivates me to this day, when I tell him about my achievements it really is important how he feels and when he tells me how proud he is.
I still remember his retirement party from Gulf years back, and his speech. I can't remember the words, but I remember looking around the room and seeing the smiles on the faces of all the people he worked with. I remember how Dad made everyone feel. They all felt good, and they respected and missed him. His work family felt as strongly about him as his own family did. Don't think I will ever forget that, and remember that how we act in life to everyone around us defines who we are as a person. How we made them feel. To strangers, to co-workers, and especially our kids. Dad always met challenges with conviction, patience, and understanding above all.
Have to say that I also see my Dad in the awesome men my sister's chose to marry. All of them in some way remind me of my Dad and his qualities. Very proud to have those guys as my brothers and part of our family. Rob, Dave, Louie <3
When I think of myself as a husband, mentor and a parent, I will always think of how my Dad would have done it. Our child will be my P.B.T.L.L.F. and help them work and learn through the challenges of life, and adoption, together. The same way my Dad would have done.
I just hope our child feels the same way that I do about my Dad, because then I think I'm doing ok, no matter what happens.
Love you Dad.
Jason
Speaking of inspiration, I wanted to share mt own personal page on inspiration. Really because I focus on my father, and recently I got to go to see our beloved home-town Calgary Flames just over a week ago. Actually the great story there (to re-iterate what I posted before about #balance) was that I got those tickets as a gift from my Regional Manager at Moxie's (you rock Jen), which came right from the President of the company. Just because they thought I was really trying to make a difference and working hard at my job. Can't express how awesome that felt, but also that I was able to take my Dad, who at the ripe young age of 82 hasn't been to a game in years and it was an incredible experience we won't soon forget.
Have to say though that the Flames need a disclaimer when Johnny Hockey does his magic and dipsy-doodles on a breakaway because we both jumped out of our seats a few times I could have tumbled! (haha, and for anyone who knows me well, we wouldn't want that again, but that's another story).
Anyhow, here is my Adoption book page on inspiration:
Yes, that's me talking to a goat. (RIP Garrett. You're in my heart old friend, will miss our chats!)
But all goats aside, when we starting updating our book lots of emotions starting flooding back, things we thought about at the start of this process years ago.
My Mom was always the tough one, who was loving, but laid down the law :) I still hold a special connection with her because she organized so much and wanted the best for us, and as a teacher always made sure I was learning from everything that happened in life. She has always held an overwhelming and extroverted love and affection for those she loves, and is always full of hugs and kisses (and yes still pinches my cheeks and calls me her baby.. geesh, haha).
When we think of ourselves as a parent though, I hold a special place in my heart for my father Donald Burns. He is the biggest reason why I wanted to become a father, because I wanted to emulate him and make him proud. Dad has always been the quiet one (of the two), but when he spoke it resonated with me. Always a quick wit, dry humor, well spoken, and clever... oh man you want this guy on your trivial pursuit team! But you knew he was always there, always a shoulder to cry on, always someone who gave 110% for his kids.
Dad is so inspiring because of his patience and unrelenting love. He would work long days at the office, but when he came home (after a 15 minute power nap of course) he always made time for me. We did so much together, and through his patience he helped parent me with support and love. And you never wanted to let him down. It still motivates me to this day, when I tell him about my achievements it really is important how he feels and when he tells me how proud he is.
I still remember his retirement party from Gulf years back, and his speech. I can't remember the words, but I remember looking around the room and seeing the smiles on the faces of all the people he worked with. I remember how Dad made everyone feel. They all felt good, and they respected and missed him. His work family felt as strongly about him as his own family did. Don't think I will ever forget that, and remember that how we act in life to everyone around us defines who we are as a person. How we made them feel. To strangers, to co-workers, and especially our kids. Dad always met challenges with conviction, patience, and understanding above all.
Have to say that I also see my Dad in the awesome men my sister's chose to marry. All of them in some way remind me of my Dad and his qualities. Very proud to have those guys as my brothers and part of our family. Rob, Dave, Louie <3
When I think of myself as a husband, mentor and a parent, I will always think of how my Dad would have done it. Our child will be my P.B.T.L.L.F. and help them work and learn through the challenges of life, and adoption, together. The same way my Dad would have done.
I just hope our child feels the same way that I do about my Dad, because then I think I'm doing ok, no matter what happens.
Love you Dad.
Jason
Friday 6 February 2015
A letter to my wife:
We are tired
The journey has been long. But we won't give up, and I won't give up on us.
As the cold winter rolls on, we know that the sun is coming. The sun and a promise of a new day, of a new life.. the life which we have been patiently waiting for, for 6 long years.
We often think of what could have been, or maybe what should have been. But the fact is that where we are now, and better yet *who* we are now, are exactly where we need to be.
I couldn't be more proud of our lives, or who we've become, and the love that has grown for this child we haven't met yet. But that love we feel every day is pain, and we won't let that tear us apart.
There is no other place I want to be.
There is no other person I want to be with.
We are worth it.
YOU are worth it.
This child and life we are going to parent is all going to be worth it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns
Love heart emoticon Jason
The journey has been long. But we won't give up, and I won't give up on us.
As the cold winter rolls on, we know that the sun is coming. The sun and a promise of a new day, of a new life.. the life which we have been patiently waiting for, for 6 long years.
We often think of what could have been, or maybe what should have been. But the fact is that where we are now, and better yet *who* we are now, are exactly where we need to be.
I couldn't be more proud of our lives, or who we've become, and the love that has grown for this child we haven't met yet. But that love we feel every day is pain, and we won't let that tear us apart.
There is no other place I want to be.
There is no other person I want to be with.
We are worth it.
YOU are worth it.
This child and life we are going to parent is all going to be worth it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1-4u9W-bns
Love heart emoticon Jason
Wednesday 4 February 2015
#courage
Lauren and I have been patiently waiting for the next step to occur, but I think it's important to remember what that next step will be.
In open adoption, we are on a list waiting for a birth-mother to choose us. So when that phone rings, we could be either racing up to let's say Grande Prairie to meet a mother and her baby in the hospital, or setting up a meeting to have a casual and nervous drive to Calgary to meet a birth-mother in her second trimester. It is going to be somewhere in Alberta, we just don't know where, and we don't know who we are going to meet.
This person however, is going to be one of the single most important people that we have ever met in our lives. Not just because she is going to possibly choose to let us raise her child, but because we think we understand the type of #courage and #strength it is going to take her to make that decision. We understand it because of the seminars we attended years ago when we started this journey, in listening to people's stories, in researching open adoption, and in talking to our social worker and the adoption agency.
We can't wait to meet her. She will forever become a part of our family, and a part of our child's life. Open adoption was such an incredible path for Lauren and I also because we will have that connection with her, in whatever way is agreed upon. That link and connection for our child is always going to be so important in understanding who they are and their lineage.
True courage is going to be her choice to put her child's life ahead of her own. For any of you who have had children, could you make that sacrifice? Can you imagine what kind of courage it is going to take?
Over the years through our adoption journey, Lauren and I have met a number of people who surprisingly have told us they were adopted, or were part of an incredible adoption story.
We were having coffee over at our neighbors house around Christmas time, and shared with them our story so far. It turns out that years ago their daughter had the courage to put her baby up for adoption, and they showed us the picture of their grandchild. The adoptive parents still had a connection, and sent pictures at birthdays and the like. It was incredible to witness an open adoption story.
Both Lauren and I are so weary from the wait, but we both know that our perseverance to endure, can only help in supporting the woman we are going to meet.
We can't wait for that next step, to meet you!.
We want to share in your story and your pain.
We will get through this together.
What we're doing is something.. but what you are doing is everything.
You have incredible, undeniable, and unequivocal - #courage.
Sunday 1 February 2015
#balance
I've been working in the restaurant industry for over 20 years now, and it is definitely a career path very different from all the rest. Anyone who has worked in a busy restaurant for a considerable amount of time, knows what it takes to not only do it, but to do it well. It takes working a lot of long hours, weekends, holidays... basically always working when everyone else doesn't seem to be.
When I began in it so many years ago, I was a kid that was a little lost. I was shy, introverted, and really looking to be a part of a fun social scene to help me grow out of my shell. Throughout the years in this industry, I always gravitated towards positive mentors and worked hard to learn from them.
Now achieving success in this industry takes it's toll. The more you put into it, the more it can take out of you. Commitment and loyalty are things that are a valuable asset, but with that comes incredible sacrifice. I have missed family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas dinners, celebrations.. all in thinking that my hard work would pay off. But what if that balance you search for in life never really comes? Or if you think you finally have it, but everyone you hold close to you tells you that you're wrong? What kind of father would I be able to be with things as they were?
It was really difficult for me to accept what so many close friends, family, and (especially) my wife were telling me. That my job was controlling my life. I was in it, mentally and physically almost 100% of the time, and every day of the week. Home life wasn't sacred, and I never learned any different because I always just sacrificed my own time for the betterment of the job. I had done that to myself, because I didn't know any other way to be the best. We all strive to be "busy" and fill our lives with work to fulfill our worth and move up the ladder.
Well 2014 was the year to absorb the positive things and people in mine and Lauren's lives. Not focusing on the pain, anger, and hurt, but just move towards what felt good and right. I had to grow the courage to focus and fight for myself. However because of all the commitment I had already given, there was no way for me to really go back on the extra effort that I had always given because I had dug myself into that hole. There needed to be a change. It was the single most scariest time in my life. I drew up my resume for the first time in almost 15 years and started to look ahead. But I had no confidence that I could do much else or work anywhere different. Plus, was I supposed to start over somewhere? People don't tend to value restaurants as a valid career path, and I questioned my own skill-sets. What would I do?
My journey into looking for other work helped develop strength in my own self-worth. I was part of an industry that traditionally gives back very little. Everyone takes, but rarely gives praise or understands. So talking about my skills and accomplishments with those close around me helped develop the courage to move forward.
It is really interesting how when you focus on growth for yourself, the universe helps make it happen for you, and getting you to where you need to be. I couldn't have been more relieved to move on from my old position, because I was then free to be myself. I could choose what I needed, and develop my job for who I knew I was and could be. But would my future lie in the same industry that had taken so much from me?
Well after 20 years I have come back full circle to the company in which I started with as a teenager. Moxie's has changed quite a bit, I knew it wasn't the same checkered table, family dining that I remembered it as. It had grown up (but so had I). However I wasn't sure if I was ready or understood what the company was really about, or if I would even fit in with it's philosophy or vision.
It actually took some coaxing from Lauren for me to apply and send my resume in, I had interviews outside of the restaurant industry up to that point and really felt that I needed to find something different so that I could have the proper balance to be the father I needed to be. This would probably be the same if not more work and pressure than I needed.
But I sent my resume in anyways, and it was the best decision I ever made.
In my 8 months now back with the company, I have learned and developed more than I had ever done in my entire career. Is it challenging? Definitely. In some ways I am working harder than I ever have before. But it is all about balance. Two days off a week... in a row? Part of the company standard. One weekend off a month? Standard. Vacation days? Yup, you guessed it. I've been so pleasantly surprised that the brand has it's core philosophy on making people feel special. The guests, the staff, and the management. We all work incredibly hard for our shifts, but when the day is done we are able to leave it there. It's a difficult concept for me to grasp but I'm starting to figure that out.
Just this past weekend I attended an appreciation dinner for the entire management staff from Alberta. Listening to the President of the company not only give a speech about thanking everyone for the work they are doing, but what really got to me is how he addressed the spouses and partners. He also thanked "them". For letting us do what we do and supporting us. For understanding how passionate we are about our people and our guests. For knowing we have so many people that rely on us. That this business was incredibly demanding, but that we were all in it together.
It really made Lauren and I feel good. Plus, feeling at ease that I was now working hard for our future. We are now where we need to be. The focus on absorbing the good in our lives and trusting our hearts has lead us here. I feel incredibly proud to feel so appreciated, but that Lauren is as well. Working with so many like-minded career individuals, that understand what it is like to work in this industry, is overwhelming.
And most important of all, is that I am often asked at work about the pending adoption. My co-workers and managers are incredibly supportive, but also give me the structure that I need so I can leave work at the drop of a hat if I need to when that adoption call happens.
So now, we are able to continue moving forward and breathe. Lauren is modest at saying it but is becoming a very successful and more important artist. I am again working very hard, but that work is already truly reciprocating itself. I've received praise from my peers, and really feel a home with my new business family. Lauren and I now have the strength and courage to focus even more on ourselves, our lifestyles, and our health. Our relationship together has seen many challenges, as it's been threatened by the pressures of the adoption wait and changing careers, but we've really persevered.
Through everything we've overcome this past year, we see how important each one of those challenges has been. I don't resent where I used to work or the different people that impacted my life. In fact I am so grateful that I was able to grow and learn from them, and through everything that happened. Because it has all brought me exactly to where I needed to be. Right here, right now.
Lauren and I both know that with this kind of balance and control in our lives now, we have more resolve than ever to be the best possible parents for the child that will soon be coming.
Jason
When I began in it so many years ago, I was a kid that was a little lost. I was shy, introverted, and really looking to be a part of a fun social scene to help me grow out of my shell. Throughout the years in this industry, I always gravitated towards positive mentors and worked hard to learn from them.
Now achieving success in this industry takes it's toll. The more you put into it, the more it can take out of you. Commitment and loyalty are things that are a valuable asset, but with that comes incredible sacrifice. I have missed family gatherings, birthdays, Christmas dinners, celebrations.. all in thinking that my hard work would pay off. But what if that balance you search for in life never really comes? Or if you think you finally have it, but everyone you hold close to you tells you that you're wrong? What kind of father would I be able to be with things as they were?
It was really difficult for me to accept what so many close friends, family, and (especially) my wife were telling me. That my job was controlling my life. I was in it, mentally and physically almost 100% of the time, and every day of the week. Home life wasn't sacred, and I never learned any different because I always just sacrificed my own time for the betterment of the job. I had done that to myself, because I didn't know any other way to be the best. We all strive to be "busy" and fill our lives with work to fulfill our worth and move up the ladder.
Well 2014 was the year to absorb the positive things and people in mine and Lauren's lives. Not focusing on the pain, anger, and hurt, but just move towards what felt good and right. I had to grow the courage to focus and fight for myself. However because of all the commitment I had already given, there was no way for me to really go back on the extra effort that I had always given because I had dug myself into that hole. There needed to be a change. It was the single most scariest time in my life. I drew up my resume for the first time in almost 15 years and started to look ahead. But I had no confidence that I could do much else or work anywhere different. Plus, was I supposed to start over somewhere? People don't tend to value restaurants as a valid career path, and I questioned my own skill-sets. What would I do?
My journey into looking for other work helped develop strength in my own self-worth. I was part of an industry that traditionally gives back very little. Everyone takes, but rarely gives praise or understands. So talking about my skills and accomplishments with those close around me helped develop the courage to move forward.
It is really interesting how when you focus on growth for yourself, the universe helps make it happen for you, and getting you to where you need to be. I couldn't have been more relieved to move on from my old position, because I was then free to be myself. I could choose what I needed, and develop my job for who I knew I was and could be. But would my future lie in the same industry that had taken so much from me?
Well after 20 years I have come back full circle to the company in which I started with as a teenager. Moxie's has changed quite a bit, I knew it wasn't the same checkered table, family dining that I remembered it as. It had grown up (but so had I). However I wasn't sure if I was ready or understood what the company was really about, or if I would even fit in with it's philosophy or vision.
It actually took some coaxing from Lauren for me to apply and send my resume in, I had interviews outside of the restaurant industry up to that point and really felt that I needed to find something different so that I could have the proper balance to be the father I needed to be. This would probably be the same if not more work and pressure than I needed.
But I sent my resume in anyways, and it was the best decision I ever made.
In my 8 months now back with the company, I have learned and developed more than I had ever done in my entire career. Is it challenging? Definitely. In some ways I am working harder than I ever have before. But it is all about balance. Two days off a week... in a row? Part of the company standard. One weekend off a month? Standard. Vacation days? Yup, you guessed it. I've been so pleasantly surprised that the brand has it's core philosophy on making people feel special. The guests, the staff, and the management. We all work incredibly hard for our shifts, but when the day is done we are able to leave it there. It's a difficult concept for me to grasp but I'm starting to figure that out.
Just this past weekend I attended an appreciation dinner for the entire management staff from Alberta. Listening to the President of the company not only give a speech about thanking everyone for the work they are doing, but what really got to me is how he addressed the spouses and partners. He also thanked "them". For letting us do what we do and supporting us. For understanding how passionate we are about our people and our guests. For knowing we have so many people that rely on us. That this business was incredibly demanding, but that we were all in it together.
It really made Lauren and I feel good. Plus, feeling at ease that I was now working hard for our future. We are now where we need to be. The focus on absorbing the good in our lives and trusting our hearts has lead us here. I feel incredibly proud to feel so appreciated, but that Lauren is as well. Working with so many like-minded career individuals, that understand what it is like to work in this industry, is overwhelming.
And most important of all, is that I am often asked at work about the pending adoption. My co-workers and managers are incredibly supportive, but also give me the structure that I need so I can leave work at the drop of a hat if I need to when that adoption call happens.
So now, we are able to continue moving forward and breathe. Lauren is modest at saying it but is becoming a very successful and more important artist. I am again working very hard, but that work is already truly reciprocating itself. I've received praise from my peers, and really feel a home with my new business family. Lauren and I now have the strength and courage to focus even more on ourselves, our lifestyles, and our health. Our relationship together has seen many challenges, as it's been threatened by the pressures of the adoption wait and changing careers, but we've really persevered.
Through everything we've overcome this past year, we see how important each one of those challenges has been. I don't resent where I used to work or the different people that impacted my life. In fact I am so grateful that I was able to grow and learn from them, and through everything that happened. Because it has all brought me exactly to where I needed to be. Right here, right now.
Lauren and I both know that with this kind of balance and control in our lives now, we have more resolve than ever to be the best possible parents for the child that will soon be coming.
Jason
My reality is the happiest of All!!
I learned a lesson this weekend. Since before Christmas I have been battling in my head the struggles in my life compared to other people's joys in their life. I/We have made decisions to live the way we live for our happiness. We chose to live simpler and smaller to be able to afford adoption. We chose to have me go after my dream instead of going after bigger and bigger toys and houses. That is what we chose.
I am on social media a lot for my art career. I have found a little bit of success online and continue to grow my business through that tool. While I am on there you see the false reality that everyone has us believe that their life is awesome. Don't get me wrong I am just as guilty. We post pictures of happy times, things we want to brag about, to show everyone our life is amazing. Who really wants to see me cry over a commercial, or stay in bed because I am keeled over in pain. Who wants to see the bills we try to pay and rising costs of adoption? Who would want to follow an artist who inspires others fall on her knees when her heart is broken, or see me fight with my husband over his shoes at the back door? Who wants to read my story of infertility and life as women who can not birth a child?
What I have learned is a lot of people want to see that and hear that. Because I am open with my journey I inspire. My strength helps other open up and talk about their story. I have learned that infertility, marriage, losing your job, finances and life in general is F$@!%&G hard and we all have it. What I haven't learned is who is battling what? I know that we all have stuff that we face and overcome it but I couldn't tell you who.
Comparison is the thief of JOY!Theodore Roosevelt
I have also learned that I am happy with our life, our careers and our journey. I am an artist.I create everyday and dream up anything I want. I live in a house I love. I have food on my table. I get to spend time with people I love. I have some one who loves me more then I could have ever asked for. I have friends that make me laugh even from far away. I don't need more of anything. I am content.
I have allowed other peoples lives and opinions seep into my outlook on what happiness means to me. 80% of everyone we know are taking or have been on vacation in the past 6 months. We haven't been able to. It was really getting to me. Then a light went off! Our journey to bring our child home is far more important then any vacation we go on or car we buy or bigger house we live in and so on....
SO I let it go. We made a decision to adopt and that is what we are doing. The journey is longer then we ever thought but no matter what we miss along the way won't matter when we bring our child home.
In the end no matter what I see others doing I will not compare and get lost in it. My reality is the happiest of all because its mine!
Lauren
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