⁂ Holiday Wishes to our Friends & Family ⁂

We are so thankful for our family and friends this holiday season.  Especially those who we've met this year and become closer with through our adoption journey.

Our strength to endure comes from all of *you*  Thank you for listening to our stories, our joy, our strife, and our pain.  Being with us every step of the way.

Lauren and I have not only grown stronger as people this past year, but we know we will be amazing parents, and that is because of so many of YOU!

Our own parents have shown us incredible love and support.  But we have also grown closer with family and friends who are amazing parents in their own right.  We love being around your children, because you are raising them into such awesome little people that it only strengthens us to do the same.

We watch all of it : your parenting patience, your love, your hugs, your tolerance, your stories... all of this means so much to us because we respect you all so much as parents.

Although we've been waiting for years to start our own family, this holiday season we reflect at how incredible our close family and friends are, and how lucky our little person is going to be one day in knowing all of you.


Thank you.  We love you all.   Merry Christmas!  ♡

I Will Wait

years of waiting have only strengthened our resolve at being the best parents & grow into the best people we could possibly ever be... for you. the story is just beginning. the first page of your own story is going to join our book    #soon #adoption #love

I WILL WAIT

When The Holidays Arrive, But The Baby Doesn’t : Tips for Waiting Parents

From Canada Adopts!  www.canadaadopts.com

The following article at Canada Adopts really encompasses the thoughts and emotions we are going through right now and for waiting parents.  

Lauren and I are dealing with a lot of emotion and changing our routines, trying to stay focused.  As much as we want to be around and with all of you this holiday season, until you wait for adoption (and for this long), it's difficult to know how we feel. 

Last Christmas was so difficult for us, we're not sure how this one is going to go.  All we know, is that we are going to be there for each other, and do the things which make us feel the most comfortable.  If we had a baby right now we would be shouting it to the highest mountain, so right now our natural instinct can be to climb underneath that mountain.

So hope this article gives a little more perspective from parents waiting for adoption, but also that our resolve is true and we are determined to make it through.

- Jason

______________________________________

The holidays are almost here. But while other people are excited and looking forward to their arrival with breathless anticipation, you’re dreading them and looking back.

To this time last year, to be exact.

Remember how powerless you felt as you watched others celebrate the season with their children?

Remember how you felt like you were missing out on something special? That everyone else was having a great time except you?

And remember how you vowed to never go through another holiday season childless and promised you would be a parent by now?

But yet, here you are, one year later, one year older, and still waiting.

What happened? How did another year slip by?

It’s not like you sat around and did nothing. You worked hard. You did so much. And yet looking at your situation today, you would never know it.

Waiting to adopt is difficult any time of the year. But it’s particularly hard now.

This is the time when the pressure builds to make this the best holiday ever. For everything to be just perfect.

But when so much of the season is centered around children and seeing things through their eyes, finding joy can be a challenge.

And yet there are ways to survive the holidays and, yes, to even enjoy them.

Here are some tips to help you.

Remind yourself the holidays are short

For all the pain they cause, the holidays come only once a year and don’t last forever. So enjoy them while you can. Before you know it they’ll be over.

Keep things in perspective

When I was waiting to adopt,  I dreaded this time of the year. I couldn’t wait for it to end. That’s because I didn’t see the holidays for what they are: a time to spend time with family and friends and to find joy through giving rather than receiving.

Know your triggers

Does the sight of small children or a pregnant women make you upset? When you see a stroller or a toy store do you feel like bursting into tears? If so, limit your exposure to them. Being aware of what causes you pain can help you control it and make you feel less powerless.

Decide which social occasions to attend and which to avoid

The holiday season is full of social events. But you don’t have to show up at all of them. Be strategic. Yes, put in an appearance at the office party. But skip the one given by your friend with the new baby if you don’t feel up to it.

Be prepared

This is the time of year when parties and small talk reign supreme. So don’t be surprised if you find yourself cornered by someone you’ve never met before and being peppered with questions about how many children you have. Get ahead of the game. Knowing those questions are coming, arm yourself with answers ahead of time.

Be honest

If you haven’t told your family or friends that you’re struggling to start your family or trying to adopt, now is the time to do it. Sharing your story will take the weight off your shoulders, especially if they keep asking you the same questions about when are you going to have kids. Not to mention there’s a good chance they already know.

If you feel uncomfortable being around children, let your family and friends know

You know your family and friends better than anyone. If you think telling them about how you’re feeling will make them more sensitive toward you, go for it. It won’t solve all your problems. But at least they can’t say they didn’t know. Plus, it’s a great way to get them to join you on your journey.

Connect with other waiting parents

It’s easy to feel isolated and powerless when the holidays are here. But you’re not alone. There are lots of people just like you. Your family and friends may not realize what you’re going through, but other waiting parents will.

Do something special for yourself

Many waiting parents fall into the trap of blaming themselves for their inability to start a family. But it’s not their fault. So don’t beat yourself up. Treat yourself. Give yourself a gift. Get a massage or go away for the weekend. Do something  that makes you feel good about yourself

Do something special for someone else

When you’re sad and depressed, it’s easy to lose perspective. But there many people who are also struggling and worse off than you are. Reach out to them with small acts of kindness. Make a donation or volunteer your time. They’ll feel better and so will you.

Keep living your life

Once the holidays are here, it’s tempting to withdraw and do nothing. But putting your life on hold won’t help you reach your goal any faster. Harness the positive energy around you and do something positive that will make a difference in your life or someone else’s.

Keep a journal

The adoption process is like being on an emotional roller coaster. It robs you of control. Writing your thoughts down is a great way to find an outlet for your emotions and get a better understanding about what you’re going through.

Take care of yourself

Adopting a child is hard work. It requires strength and stamina. To stay on top of things, you need to stay strong.  Eat well, sleep well, and get regular exercise. Don’t let yourself go. Your baby could come at any time and you want to make sure you’re ready.

Be flexible

We all like to set deadlines. Deadlines keep us focused and give us something to work toward. But keep in mind that in adoption anything can happen. Things can change from one moment to the next. So if you do create a timetable, be prepared to adjust it.

Take a break

You’ve worked hard all year to turn your dream into a reality. So why not use the down time to reward yourself with a break. You won’t lose out on anything. And there’s lots to gain. Taking time off will help you recharge your batteries, letting you slide into the New Year with renewed energy and confidence.

Take pride in your accomplishments

When you’re waiting to adopt, it’s easy to dwell on what you haven’t achieved. But don’t lose sight of the things that you have accomplished over the past 12 months. Whether it was completing your home study, finding an agency, creating your adoption profile or joining an adoptive parent support group, you’re probably a lot further ahead now than you were at this time last year.

Try new things

Nothing will take your mind off things and motivate you more than taking on a new project. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a new language, take up the piano, join a pottery class, or give pilates a try, now is the time to do it. You’ll feel energized. And the time will go by faster too.

Embrace the uncertainty

Some adoption matches happen right away, others take more time. So don’t get angry if everyone else seems to be adopting before you.  Adoption isn’t a competition and it’s not about who can find the fastest match. Your child will join you when the time is right and all of the waiting you’ve done will be worth it.

The holidays can be a difficult time when you’re waiting to adopt. But with the right attitude and preparation you can get through them in one piece and make the most of them. Just keep going, keep busy and follow these three words of advice: don’t give up.

16 Things Adopting Parents Want An Expectant Mother Considering Adoption To Know

Written by Lawrence Morton of Canada Adopts!

http://www.canadaadopts.com/

_________________________________

As adopting parents, we know this is a difficult time for you.

And while we don’t understand everything you’re going through, we do have a sense of some of the challenges you may be facing as you consider an adoption plan for your baby.

In many ways, we’re on the other side of the same coin.

Whereas you’re thinking of placing your baby for adoption, we would love nothing better than to adopt a baby through adoption.

And like you, we want only the best for your child.

So while it may seem strange to hear this from us, people you don’t know and have never met, we want you to know that we already love you and your child more than words can say.

Here are 16 other things that we, as hopeful adoptive parents, want you to know.

1. We can’t wait to meet you.

Really, we can’t. Adoption may be a new idea for you, but not for us. It’s been a journey that has been years in the making. We’ve gone through adoption education and preparation classes, and undergone a thorough screening process to get approved. If there’s one thing we know, it’s this: We couldn't be more ready to adopt.

2. We’re excited about adopting.

It’s true, adoption may not have been our first choice initially. But the days of yearning for a child who would have our chin or the same eye color are long over. For us, pregnancy is no longer the goal. Parenting is. And adoption is the path we’ve chosen to get there.

3. We know you’re making your decision out of love.

We know that you’re about to make one of the toughest decisions of your life. We also know that you’re making it out of love for your child — to provide her with the future you want her to have but aren’t able to provide at this stage in your life. No matter where you are, you will always have a special place in our hearts and our home.

4. We will love your child as much as you do.

The fact that we won’t give birth to our child makes no difference to us. If you decide that we are the parents you’re looking for, we promise that we will love your child to the moon and back and shower him with all the love and affection we have to give. As you’ll find, we have a lot more in common than you may think.

5. We realize this is a scary time for you.

We know this experience must feel surreal at times, and that you’re worried about letting people down, starting with your child. But we also know that when the time comes, you’ll step up to the plate and make the right decision for you and him. And we’ll be there to back you every step of the way, whatever you decide to do.

6. We won’t judge you.

We know that if it were possible you would move heaven and earth to keep your baby and raise him yourself. We also know that contrary to what some people may think, you’re neither selfish nor taking the easy way out. Others may question you and your intentions, but we won’t.

7. We’re nervous too.

Although we’re excited about adopting, we don’t know where our journey will take us any more than you do. We worry that you won’t like us, that we’ll say the wrong thing or that we’ll do something that will mess up our chances of becoming parents. But we also know that together, with open minds and open hearts, we can work our way through this and come out stronger in the end.

8. We’re not perfect either.

Even though our profile may make us out to be the perfect family, we’re just as human as everyone else. We make mistakes and have our share of ups and downs, and we try to learn from them as best we can. To be honest, we won’t be perfect parents either. But we could be perfect for your child.

9. We know you’re not sure whether we’re the right family for you.

We know you’re worried that you might not find the right family for your child. Or that the family you do pick may not be everything you thought they would be. If you have questions about us, we’re happy to answer them. We want you to be as comfortable with us as we are with you.

10. We also have questions about the future.

We know you don’t have all the answers. We don’t, either. But by putting your child’s interests first, we’re confident that we’ll find common ground that will allow us to build a strong future together.

11. We want you to be a part of our lives.

For us, adoption is an ongoing process. If you choose us, our relationship with you won’t end the day when you place your child into our arms. It will still continue. We want you to be there as your child grows up so that you can see for yourself how much she is loved, cherished and cared for.

12. We’ll do your best to follow through on our promises.

We know it’s hard for you to put your faith in people who are complete strangers, especially when it involves someone as precious as your child. But rest assured that we will do everything we can to earn your trust and honor the commitments we make to you.

13. We won’t pressure you to make a decision.

We know that you can change your mind any time. And though it will be hard for us if you do, we will respect your decision. We won’t try to change your mind or force you to do anything against your will. We know that whatever you decide, it will made with your child’s best interests in mind.

14. Be gentle with us.

Like you, we’re still trying to get our heads around this thing called adoption. There’s a huge learning curve and just like you, we want to get it right. So if we call you a “birthmother” or refer to your baby as “our baby,” don’t judge us too harshly. We know there will be bumps along the road, and we’re just trying to do the best we can.

15. We understand that you will always be your child’s mother.

Although we may one day be honored to become your baby’s adoptive parents, please know that you will always be her mother and that we will always talk about you with love and respect.

16. We will never forget you or the difficult choice you’ve made.

Don’t think for a moment that we don’t understand the repercussions of your decision or the responsibility that you’ll entrust to us if you choose us as parents for your baby. Adopting your child will help us build our family. But we know that it will also result in a loss for you that will require grieving and healing.

We hope this gives you a better idea about our thoughts and feelings about adoption and the role that you would play in our life if you chose to place your baby with us. We know that you have some tough choices ahead as you try to make the best decision for you and your baby. May you find peace and contentment, whatever you decide to do.

My identity in print

When we do a home study for the adoption process, it is often that our lives are looked at to ensure we are the right people to have a child.  Our relationship is interviewed, our past brought to light, our habits, how we act, how we fight, how we teach, how we love, how we intend to parent.

It's not something that is all-together pleasant, but in the end you really take an introspective look at who you are and make you as best prepared to bring a child into your life.  It's beneficial, and painful at the same time.

Now something that you all may or may not know, is that to get on the adoption list you need to get a criminal record check done.  Makes a lot of sense, as I know that my Dad for instance has done so for something as simple as volunteering at his local church.

What has happened to me multiple times now since undergoing the criminal check, is getting "flagged" because my birthday happens to fall on the same day as someone who has a criminal record.  Now you can change your name, but it's tough to change your birthday, and of course not your fingerprints.  So again I've had my fingerprints taken at the local RCMP so that we can get clarification that I am who I am.

I find solace in knowing that although there has been so little progress lately, that this is at least something, preparing us for the next step.  

JB

..but when>

We hit the 26 month mark 2 days from now. My heart is broken open. While my family is welcoming a new baby into their arms I am sad. I cannot describe this feeling of joy for my cousins and feel so much sadness. They know I love them no matter how I am feeling and is no way because of them. It is because of what Jason and I are facing. Watching someone get what you have wanted for 6 yrs is heart breaking. I am grateful for my life and what I have. I am blessed to have the life I have and everyday I fight to see it and not stay in bed. In the past I have asked myself why did this happen to us, why is our strength being tested but I never put to much weight into it. I have faced this journey head held high and open to what ever lied before us. I am not so sure I can do that any more. Why us? Why has it been so long? What is the lesson I am supposed to be learning? I have learned so much more then other married couples about life, marriage, myself, Jason and people around us, our journey.  Isn't that enough? I am broken and my strength is weakening. I cannot take much more.

Last Christmas was horrible to put it mildly. I want it to be January and skip this season. I want to stay away from everyone and not celebrate a damn thing. I know family and friends will be good for me but I am done putting on a happy face when inside my heart is broken open. I have been strong and faced this for 6 yrs and I am tired of playing the game.

I know you are saying one day it will be my turn, but when?
I know my day will come but when?
I know the right baby hasn't come along yet but when?
I know that everything happens for a reason but when?
I know that this is the journey but when?
...but when.

If only it were that easy

Lauren and I went to a retail store today, as a couple a little younger than us was shopping down the aisle.

Noticed a little guy next to us, maybe 2-3 years old, blonde hair, little glasses, so cute he could have been cast in Jerry Maguire.

The little guy had a toy in his hand, runs towards his parents, but stops in front of my feet, looks up and offers the toy up to me.

"Beckham!" the Mom says, "Mommy is over here!"

Little guy smile at me and then runs over to his Mom.

"So cute!" I said.

"Yah, well.. you can have him." she said with a joking smile.

..............

Lauren and I looked at each other in a gaze.

if only it were that easy 



JB

I don't want the snow to fall

The season is growing cold.

I don't want the snow to fall,
it makes me think of another year past.
The thought of not having you,
for another winter, long and cold.

I don't want the snow to fall,
even though our Love outlasts,
the waiting and the pain,
of not having you to hold.

I don't want the snow to fall,
when we see kids outside playing.
Knowing that we sit inside waiting,
for the phone that doesn't ring.

I don't want the snow to fall,
the spring was our season of hope.
We said the "sun was coming",
but now we know that we must cope.

I don't want the snow to fall,
but we must know the sun is still shining.
Behind the grey whispers of cloud,
the chill, and the damp cold snow.

I don't want the snow to fall,
but we know we must keep going.
Because while we stay strong knowing,
our spring will come again.



- Jason

30 People we bet you didn't know were adopted..

Lauren and I tend to meet people all the time, that when they find out we are adopting, tell us about how they, or someone in their family or friend had gone through the adoption process.  We love hearing their stories.

But on a fun note, did you know these famous people were adopted?  Many are individuals that we admire, so it makes us want to know their life story even more:

Maya Angelou (poet and author)

Truman Capote (author)

“Anyone who ever gave you confidence, you owe them a lot.” – Truman Capote

Eric Clapton (singer)

John Lennon

President Bill Clinton

“Perhaps there is no greater miracle than finding a loving home for a child who needs one.” – President Bill Clinton

Nat King Cole (singer)

Bo Diddley (musician)

President Gerald Ford

Jamie Foxx

Faith Hill

“I have a lot of respect for my birth mother…I know she must have had a lot of love for me to want to give me what she felt was a better chance.” – Faith Hill

Scott Hamilton (professional skater)

Kristin Chenoweth (actress)

John Hancock (U.S. Founding Father)

Steve Jobs (co-founder of Apple)

Eartha Kitt (singer, actress)

Art Linkletter (TV personality)

Nelson Mandela

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.” – Nelson Mandela

Tim McGraw

Sarah McLachlan

Ray Liotta

Marilyn Monroe

Melissa Gilbert

Frances McDormand

Ingrid Bergman

ICE-T

Michael Oher (NFL Football player, story inspired The Blind Side)

“It’s true that we can’t help the circumstances we’re born into and some of us start out in a much tougher place than other people. But just because we started there doesn’t mean we have to end there.” – Michael Oher

Edgar Allen Poe

First Lady Nancy Reagan

First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt

Babe Ruth

Leo Tolstoy (author)

Michael Bay (movie director)

Dave Thomas (founder of Wendy’s, children’s advocate)

“Everyone’s got to be for a child to have a home and love. I mean, I don’t know anyone who would be against that.” – Dave Thomas

Our 3rd Home Study

We met with our Social Worker today, to complete our 3rd official Home Study assessment for our adoption process.  It's exciting to talk about the adoption, but more importantly I think Lauren and I both enjoyed looking back on the year that was.

What is a home study?  Well to become parents through adoption, the agency needs to make sure we qualify, both as people, and the proper living environment for the adopted baby.  Now don't get me wrong, over 2 years ago when we had our first home assessment it was one of the most difficult things we both had probably gone through up until that point.  You explore everything about yourself, and in your relationship.  How you are as people, how you react to problems, how you fight, how you plan to parent, etc.etc. the list is long and I'm sure you all can guess what kind of questions are asked.

But now at this point, we need to update our social worker as to how things are, how we are coping, any changes in life, and in home.

So being able to see how far we have come in our own personal, but also professional lives over the past year was rather gratifying.  Lauren and I have both grown a lot, making new positive connections with more incredible people who are helping to enrich our lives, and really creating an even more loving home that is prepared for the little one.

If there was one word that came out of the meeting in reflection, it was how "balanced" we have become.  Lauren of course is now working full-time as an artist (which is her dream), and her business is not only growing and becoming more successful, but it has helped balanced her soul and given purpose to the hard work she has put in.  For me, it is pretty similar.  I've been able to have the courage to out-grow where I was working, and move on to a new job that not only allows me to have more balance... but embraces it.  Our passions are both being fulfilled, and in some ways are grateful that when the adoption happens it really will in fact be at the right time (sounds cliche, but really is true!).

Plus, coming out of a meeting with our social worker just empowers us to be more ready, and gets us excited.  We couldn't be more happy then when she is able to tell us how both Lauren and I have changed and grown since our first assessment over two years ago.  

Many couples have given up by this point, and we know it.  But being able to reflect on the past year just gives us more resolve that we are moving down the right path.

Can't wait for the next step!  Not long now.

Jason & Lauren

Another year older....

                   

         

Last year I sat here writing this post about my 35th birthday click here to read Tonight I feel the same way. Your birthday hasn't come and I face another. Birthdays are supposed to make you feel important and special and I know that my friends, family and all who love me will express it, but my heart aches and my birthday is just a reminder that I am still waiting for yours.


Waiting for you has made me see the world differently, to feel differently, to be grateful, to experience life with knowing you are missing. I have learned a lot about myself, about my marriage and about life.  I still turn your light on in your room to fill it with light until it is filled with giggles and tiny foot steps. I still jump for the phone and hope its you calling. I wish I could stop growing and wait to do it with you. But I can't. I have grown into this woman that I have wanted to become. My dream has come true and I am an artist. My courage has grown to face each day with open arms. My bravery has doubled in facing life without you. My heart has grown so big filling with all my love for you. Your Dad and I have faced challenges that we never thought would happen. We have grown stronger and closer waiting for you, through the dark times we always seem to come out into light when we think of you.

I never imagined that my life would bring me to you, now that I wait for you I have become numb in the daily waiting for the moment you are in my arms. 

My birthday wish is to stop waiting for you, to hold you, to smell you, to nourish you, to love you! 

Tomorrow is my birthday, and I am still waiting for yours so badly.

-L

                     

❤ Growing in our hearts ❤

We're both very excited about our new necklaces that were specially made for us as we prepare for our third home study.

Keeping our hope close to our hearts.

Made by Sam & Nat

Two years!!

When I say it has been 2 years it is unbelievable to me that that much time has gone past. Everyday I am aware that I am waiting for my little one to arrive and everyday it seems impossible. When you look back at time passed it always seemed to have flown by. Our life has become used to the sadness and mundane days of waiting. Life seems to go on, careers grow, and projects get done. Our lives are really great. But inside we hold this sadness. This part of us we hide, or try not to allow it to run our lives.

I want to get the call, I want to meet our birth Mom, I want my baby to be in my arms. I have no control on when this will happen for me. I want to tell the world I am a Mom. I want to do what the women around me get to do, When will it be my turn???

I have heard all the catchy inspirational phrases and trust me I have held onto some so tight that the words hold no meaning any more. I know logically in my mind my baby will come when it comes. But my heart says Fuck off!! and I don't blame it. Things happen for a reason, it will happen when it suppose too, stay positive, your baby is coming, sting like alcohol in an open wound.

Right now we seem numb to the adoption. No news is bad, and nothing is happening. I keep reminding myself that this journey is so much bigger then the waiting part. There is still the match, the meeting, the first 3 months with a new born, 18 years and counting of parent hood. Yes, this is some form of allowed torture but it is going to get way more stressful and harder. I created this piece of art that says" GROW SLOWLY LITTLE ONE BECAUSE SOON YOUR WINGS WILL FLY". not so much for the child who is always so quick to grow up but for the parents to slow down and cherish the child you have, the days they are little. So often we forget that miracle of children and then they are grown. I need to remember this. The waiting part of adoption is slow but as soon as we get that little baby time will pass very fast.



-Lauren

Be our rainbows

It's been a long time since Lauren and I have posted on our blog.

Have we had lots to say?  Sure.  But I think we both had a bit of a rough summer in some regards when it came to the wait for adoption.  Maybe it's because we feel we've been stuck in a loop, and although we kept manifesting different things in our lives to try and bring the adoption to the next step, of course nothing has happened.  There are so many days where I think we are afraid to blog because we don't want to alienate people from the process because they read into our pain and it drives them away.

We know that many people who we know close to us have found it difficult to talk to us about the adoption, or talk to us at all.  Maybe it's because you might have kids of your own, and you feel bad for the state we are in, or the blog is too difficult to read, or you're not sure what to say because you assume we're just depressed until a baby comes into our lives.


Here is a quote from one of the most brilliant writers of our time that rings true:

Try to be a rainbow in someone else's cloud.

~ Maya Angelou

Yes, it is hard, and yes we get sad staring at an empty crib some days, and yes sometimes we don't want to leave our house.  But I think what has lifted us up the most is people asking us how things are, letting us interact and play with their kids, really being any form of support and positive light in our lives.

We need more rainbows, because some days get pretty cloudy.

So know that when you ask us about the adoption, it really makes us smile.  When you ask us about the baby's room, or the birth-mom, or how the process works... it warms our hearts.  When we hug our friend's kids or nieces and nephews... it gives us such a special gift that we cherish.

Thank you to all you who read our blog and follow our story.  And for many who don't know what to say or how to be, just talking with us is all you need to do, or don't hesitate to hug us too, because we love hugs  :)

We appreciate all the love and support that we get, because every bit of it makes us stronger, and shows us the light to what our beautiful future will be like.



Jason & Lauren