After the Adoption pt.2 - Building a Connection with our Adopted Child

  Years of waiting and preparation, all culminate to that one precious phone call.  As hopeful adoptive parents, your lives are consumed and filled with the expectations of the placement.

  But then it happens.  And a new little person is in your arms.  So what now?

  It's interesting to try and describe how we felt when we were leaving the hospital with Owen.  Oddly enough, it felt like we literally stealing a baby (I wanted to yell "start the car honey!").  This was all too easy, and that we almost felt a little awkward just walking into a nursery, signing some papers, wrapping up a newborn baby, and walking out, when the day before we weren't even thinking we would be parents!  (but that ease is also helped because of the amazing work of our adoption agency)
  Our hearts were overjoyed, but we were also a little terrified.  Going through the pregnancy stage, most parents have 9 months to prepare in lots of different ways; in getting a nursery ready, buying clothes, telling your family/friends, reading up on parenting books... check, check, check all of those and more off of the list!  And we had years to do it (so imagine all the clothes we had at this point!)

  But one important thing that we didn't account for was the emotional preparation.  As I mentioned, all of our thoughts and dreams are focused on one simple event - the placement.  And maybe at some point before going on the adoption list we discussed and talked about our emotions or after we took our baby home, but on that Friday morning in April 2015, that was the furthest thing from our minds when we got that call.
  The only emotions that were top of mind (or heart) for us were that of our hope for the placement to finally happen.  So when that call came - that emotional dam came crashing down and we were puddles.  But now when we got home from the hospital, the reality and shock of now truly being parents came setting in very fast.

  For adoptive parents, one important thing to note is building an emotional bond with your child, especially for the Mother.  Lauren didn't carry Owen for 9 months, and that makes a huge difference for a new Mother, for each of them to connect to each other.

  One thing however that we were prepared on, was an incredible wrap from our friend Becky who has a company called Uppymama based right here in Alberta.  Uppymama hand weave, hand-finish and market handwoven and handmade artisan babywearing wraps and slings to support attachment parenting.

  So although the wrap helps Lauren gets things done (especially her artwork), it's not merely about convenience.  This is a tool used for connection and building a bond with Baby O.
  Becky and the incredible Amber Bourret (photography http://ambphotos.ca/) came to our home just a couple of days after Owen was born, because Becky knew how important it was to bring us a wrap as quickly as possible so Lauren could start that connection with him.
  I myself tend to use the sling more than anything, well because I'm a guy and I'm not that clever about these sorts of things, however I know even for myself that carrying Owen is extremely helpful and important!
  Lauren and I both made a big effort to have as much close connection and skin-to-skin contact with Baby O so that he felt completely safe and nurtured.

  I personally believe that because we made these important emotional steps to bond with Owen, it has helped make him into the loving and happy little man that he is today, and we feel so much more connected to him as parents.

  We want to encourage you if you haven't already to read Uppymama's recent blog (about Lauren) and visit their website:

http://uppymama.com/uppymama-arrow/

  I love to read this from Lauren's own words which best explains some of her emotional journey:

“My journey to motherhood was not conventional but it was mine. Including babywearing into my journey has helped me gain confidence in my parenting. I can’t birth a child or breastfeed, but when I wear my baby I am a mother. My body is soothing and loving my baby, that is what it was meant to do!” 

  So for all you potential adoptive parents out there, really consider life after the placement, how important it is to connect to your new child, and the emotional toll it can take.
  But I am very thankful to my wife for having the insight to incorporate Uppymama into our adoption process, because focusing on that connection really helped us through those first couple of months.




- Jason

Celebrating the Women of our Adoption

In honor of International Women's Day, I think it's important to highlight some of the most important Women that made our adoption possible:

The Birthmother - first here, and first in our hearts.  Without her, we wouldn't have Owen.  We waited for a long time to hold him in our arms, but we knew that wait was only because it had to be him, and our lives were meant to coincide with hers.  There aren't words that we can think of to describe the amount of love we hold for our birthmother.  Her courage is beyond comprehension, and she will always be an important part of our lives (and Owen's).  The choice that she made to choose adoption, and then to choose us from all the different couple's profiles... so incredible.  Plus, her own mother for her support in the adoption and to help her daughter have the strength to go through this process.  The pure courage and sacrifice of our birthmother will never be forgotten.  Owen will always be raised in knowing how much she loved him, and cared so much that she knew the best place for him was with us.

Our adoption agency - the Women at Adoption by Choice greeted us with open arms, and supported us through every step.  It's one thing to attend workshops and meetings, but we ended up with a close personal connection with Laura, who was there at every turn.  When Lauren and I had questions, it was always who Laura took our calls and made time for us.  When we were depressed, she listened to our pain.  That Friday morning when we were driving to Calgary, it was Laura who called and told us Owen was born.  She met us at the hospital and brought us to him for the first time, she counceled the birthmother and helped her in the wee hours of the morning, and made sure Owen was safe and visited him in the hospital nursery.  Laura is completely giving in her time and support - it made our experience so special.

Our social worker - we can only try and imagine the work that she does day in and day out.  Doing a home study is a scary thing, in having someone come into your home and have to judge if you are going to be fit parents.  But also difficult decisions about the adoption had to be made.  Through all of those difficult times however, she was also instrumental in helping our adoption happen.  And even after Owen has arrived, we still have a connection and friendship with her... that is because she puts her heart into those she helps, and we know Owen has a place in her heart.

Rosemary - there are so many important family members and friends who give us love and support.  And at the center of it all is Lauren's mother Rosemary.  We are so lucky that she is near us, but not only that she has been there for us each and every day.  There is something to be said about a mother seeing her own daughter with her child, and I couldn't be more thankful for the love and commitment that Rosemary has given to Owen and to us.  Not just since he arrived, but through our entire adoption process since the day when we decided to adopt.  She has helped us with our pain, our anger, our relationship, and has always been an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.  Thank you for being an incredible mother to my wife, a loving grandmother to Owen, and showing how great a women's love can be.

Lauren - my wife has gone through so much that it literally brings tears to my eyes trying to type about it.  But great women aren't made because things come to them easy or handed to them on a silver platter.  I will always remember consoling Lauren in the hospital years ago when she found out she wasn't able to conceive.  But this challenge has helped over time bring us to the miracle of adoption, and most importantly Lauren has used her art to bring not just inspiration and hope to herself, but to really help inspire others and show the beauty and strength of herself as a woman.  I have seen her artwork develop from something interesting and unique, to truly something inspirational that others admire and use to help motivate and empower themselves through times of struggle.  What better gift than to illustrate and show the beautiful parts of life and us as people?  I am so proud of her for her growth, her strength, and how much of a loving mother she has become for our son.  Lauren never gave up on me, on herself, or on Owen.  And because of that strength our family is together.


Today is an exceptional day to celebrate and identify the important women in our lives, and I'm happy to highlight these beautiful women from our adoption process.  Thanks to all of you for helping me become the father and man I am today.



- Jason

After the Adoption pt.1 - To choose a name

  So you've finally been called.  Years of preparation.  The tears fall fast, and the world starts spinning a whole lot faster.

 When you're on an adoption list - everything... I mean everything comes down to the call.  All of your emotions on a daily basis are all focused on that moment, that when you meet your new baby it all seems so surreal.
  We walked into the nursery at the Rockyview, literally about an hour after finding out we had a son, and there he was.  So we were now parents!  But our new son had no name.

    Lauren and I had talked about a number of names, but especially after years in waiting we went through a lot of different baby names.  When we first started the process of adoption we thought of a few names, then when the next year came some names faded - and some new ones came into the conversation.  Then the next year the same happened, and so on, etc.

  Then all of a sudden, you wake up one morning and you are walking into a hospital nursery meeting your new baby for the first time just hours after he is born.
  His name officially (and we would find out legally for some time) was simply "Baby Boy".  And we were in just simple awe of holding him the emotions were overwhelming, but then the topic of his name became right near the top of our list.

  So, Lauren and I reluctantly had to leave him at the hospital until the next day, and that night we spent a lot of time into the wee hours going over tons of names.  We reviewed our previous lists, and crossed off name after name. We agreed that we both had to love the name.  If one person wasn't in love with a name we crossed it off.

  It almost felt that after meeting him some of those names just didn't suit the little peanut!

  As we will talk about, the birthmother has always, and will always be an important part of this process.  But with parents through adoption, you never know if the birthmother wants to name the baby, or already has.  We found out that some adoptive parents actually then use that birthmother's name as the middle name as a respect to her and her family.  In our case though, there was no name passed to him.

  Lauren and I also had spoken about how the meaning of a name meant a lot to us.  Many people go back into their family tree to respect their heritage, but Lauren and I also thought that his name needed to signify the importance of our journey, the adoption, and the importance of *him*

  So we then both decided to choose the name "Owen".

  The name is derived in it's origins as being a person who is very charismatic, artistic, and a determined young fighter.  But our favorite meaning was an old Scottish derivative of the name Owen simply meaning - "Desired Child".

  And how appropriate is that?  About every bit as it could possibly be.

  One interesting thing that every new parent probably goes through, is not just choosing a middle name, but then having one that sounded good with the first and the last!  So going along the same theme of meaning, we came upon a German name of Faron, which simply meant "Journey".

  Owen Faron Burns, rolls off the tongue quite well don't you think?

  So that Saturday morning when we woke up (from what we now know as the last best sleep of our lives), we made our way to the hospital to bring our new son home.