After the Adoption pt.2 - Building a Connection with our Adopted Child

  Years of waiting and preparation, all culminate to that one precious phone call.  As hopeful adoptive parents, your lives are consumed and filled with the expectations of the placement.

  But then it happens.  And a new little person is in your arms.  So what now?

  It's interesting to try and describe how we felt when we were leaving the hospital with Owen.  Oddly enough, it felt like we literally stealing a baby (I wanted to yell "start the car honey!").  This was all too easy, and that we almost felt a little awkward just walking into a nursery, signing some papers, wrapping up a newborn baby, and walking out, when the day before we weren't even thinking we would be parents!  (but that ease is also helped because of the amazing work of our adoption agency)
  Our hearts were overjoyed, but we were also a little terrified.  Going through the pregnancy stage, most parents have 9 months to prepare in lots of different ways; in getting a nursery ready, buying clothes, telling your family/friends, reading up on parenting books... check, check, check all of those and more off of the list!  And we had years to do it (so imagine all the clothes we had at this point!)

  But one important thing that we didn't account for was the emotional preparation.  As I mentioned, all of our thoughts and dreams are focused on one simple event - the placement.  And maybe at some point before going on the adoption list we discussed and talked about our emotions or after we took our baby home, but on that Friday morning in April 2015, that was the furthest thing from our minds when we got that call.
  The only emotions that were top of mind (or heart) for us were that of our hope for the placement to finally happen.  So when that call came - that emotional dam came crashing down and we were puddles.  But now when we got home from the hospital, the reality and shock of now truly being parents came setting in very fast.

  For adoptive parents, one important thing to note is building an emotional bond with your child, especially for the Mother.  Lauren didn't carry Owen for 9 months, and that makes a huge difference for a new Mother, for each of them to connect to each other.

  One thing however that we were prepared on, was an incredible wrap from our friend Becky who has a company called Uppymama based right here in Alberta.  Uppymama hand weave, hand-finish and market handwoven and handmade artisan babywearing wraps and slings to support attachment parenting.

  So although the wrap helps Lauren gets things done (especially her artwork), it's not merely about convenience.  This is a tool used for connection and building a bond with Baby O.
  Becky and the incredible Amber Bourret (photography http://ambphotos.ca/) came to our home just a couple of days after Owen was born, because Becky knew how important it was to bring us a wrap as quickly as possible so Lauren could start that connection with him.
  I myself tend to use the sling more than anything, well because I'm a guy and I'm not that clever about these sorts of things, however I know even for myself that carrying Owen is extremely helpful and important!
  Lauren and I both made a big effort to have as much close connection and skin-to-skin contact with Baby O so that he felt completely safe and nurtured.

  I personally believe that because we made these important emotional steps to bond with Owen, it has helped make him into the loving and happy little man that he is today, and we feel so much more connected to him as parents.

  We want to encourage you if you haven't already to read Uppymama's recent blog (about Lauren) and visit their website:

http://uppymama.com/uppymama-arrow/

  I love to read this from Lauren's own words which best explains some of her emotional journey:

“My journey to motherhood was not conventional but it was mine. Including babywearing into my journey has helped me gain confidence in my parenting. I can’t birth a child or breastfeed, but when I wear my baby I am a mother. My body is soothing and loving my baby, that is what it was meant to do!” 

  So for all you potential adoptive parents out there, really consider life after the placement, how important it is to connect to your new child, and the emotional toll it can take.
  But I am very thankful to my wife for having the insight to incorporate Uppymama into our adoption process, because focusing on that connection really helped us through those first couple of months.




- Jason