We are celebrating our 3 yr wedding anniversary today but it always makes me think about how long I have known Jason. It has been 5 yrs and I don't want to forget the 2 amazing years we had before we actually tied the knot. Jason has made me a stronger person, he has brought out the woman inside me, he allows me to be myself, crazy, organized and sometimes bitchy, confident and I feel we can take on the world as long as we stand beside each other in everything and anything.
I have loved every moment with you, smiles and tears, good and bad, I love you Jason.
LC
Wednesday 22 August 2012
Sunday 19 August 2012
You are almost a ghost in my home
a spirit, born of my anticipation
In my ears the sound of your naked feet
slap lightly on my hardwood floors.
On my face dry the splashes
of water from your bath
In my nose is the smell of your warm and salty skin
as I bury my face into the side of your neck
On my tongue melts the sweet
of a summer berry you bring to my lips,
crushed in your little palm
I see you,
barely there
already in this space where you belong
When you come
When move from the light and shimmer of my anticiaption
and become what you already are:
real
with weight and warmth and laughter
That will be
my richest moment.
Jill Burden
www.addingaburden.com
a spirit, born of my anticipation
In my ears the sound of your naked feet
slap lightly on my hardwood floors.
On my face dry the splashes
of water from your bath
In my nose is the smell of your warm and salty skin
as I bury my face into the side of your neck
On my tongue melts the sweet
of a summer berry you bring to my lips,
crushed in your little palm
I see you,
barely there
already in this space where you belong
When you come
When move from the light and shimmer of my anticiaption
and become what you already are:
real
with weight and warmth and laughter
That will be
my richest moment.
Jill Burden
www.addingaburden.com
Not so bad after all....
Kathy, our social worker, is not what we had imagined in our minds. She made us feel relaxed and at ease with this entire process. We have scheduled appointments over the next few weeks and will be all done by the first week in September. Then she will be writing an 18 page story of us and then fingers crossed approving us to be parents. We know that we will but it is still unsettling knowing that we are being looked at if we are good enough.
The one thing she did was question us on our criteria of child we had written on our application. Now for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, this is a form where it lists all and everything you can think of. race, gender, birth defects, etc that may come along with having a baby. We look at that form as if we are naturally having a child we couldn't change it. Race doesn't matter, Gender doesn't matter, but birth defects shouldn't matter. And really these are the things no one can control unless they have been substance abusing while pregnant. We said a definite no to some and others we were told to think about further. So we have been researching many birth defects, talking to my sister in law who is a physical therapist that gave us insight from her point of view.Questioning what really matters. Kathy said this is part of adoption, we get to choose if we can and want what our child has. Then she warned us no matter what, a healthy baby at birth can in 2 yrs have Autism. My thoughts in my head that is we accept a child with a birth defect people will look at the baby and say it's because of the birth mom, when in truth anyone could have a baby with cleft lip or club foot. I know that judgments will happen and I am not afraid of them, never have been, but to judge a mother who has unselfishly chosen not to parent and given us the chance too, breaks my heart.
I want a healthy baby, Jason wants a healthy baby, so does everyone, but sitting here picking and choosing what is manageable for us is very hard for me. I want to adopt so many babies, but cannot afford it. Knowing that there is a baby born with a birth defect and we are saying no to because our medical plan doesn't cover it's meds or care. I hate that the decisions we are making are about what we can afford but knowing that we need to step out of this bubble and look at the future knowing how much 1 baby costs in a lifetime we are making the right decisions for us.
What calms us is that the birth defects we are saying no to do not happen very often, so we are not closing the door to many. We just know what we can handle, emotionally and financially.
So there is what a social worker does, questions you to make sure you know what the heck we are doing. She made us really think about what really is important to us. And by questioning some of our answers made us think harder about them, with that it made us change our outlook on some and others is reassured us that we answered correctly.
Lauren
The one thing she did was question us on our criteria of child we had written on our application. Now for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, this is a form where it lists all and everything you can think of. race, gender, birth defects, etc that may come along with having a baby. We look at that form as if we are naturally having a child we couldn't change it. Race doesn't matter, Gender doesn't matter, but birth defects shouldn't matter. And really these are the things no one can control unless they have been substance abusing while pregnant. We said a definite no to some and others we were told to think about further. So we have been researching many birth defects, talking to my sister in law who is a physical therapist that gave us insight from her point of view.Questioning what really matters. Kathy said this is part of adoption, we get to choose if we can and want what our child has. Then she warned us no matter what, a healthy baby at birth can in 2 yrs have Autism. My thoughts in my head that is we accept a child with a birth defect people will look at the baby and say it's because of the birth mom, when in truth anyone could have a baby with cleft lip or club foot. I know that judgments will happen and I am not afraid of them, never have been, but to judge a mother who has unselfishly chosen not to parent and given us the chance too, breaks my heart.
I want a healthy baby, Jason wants a healthy baby, so does everyone, but sitting here picking and choosing what is manageable for us is very hard for me. I want to adopt so many babies, but cannot afford it. Knowing that there is a baby born with a birth defect and we are saying no to because our medical plan doesn't cover it's meds or care. I hate that the decisions we are making are about what we can afford but knowing that we need to step out of this bubble and look at the future knowing how much 1 baby costs in a lifetime we are making the right decisions for us.
What calms us is that the birth defects we are saying no to do not happen very often, so we are not closing the door to many. We just know what we can handle, emotionally and financially.
So there is what a social worker does, questions you to make sure you know what the heck we are doing. She made us really think about what really is important to us. And by questioning some of our answers made us think harder about them, with that it made us change our outlook on some and others is reassured us that we answered correctly.
Lauren
Tuesday 14 August 2012
It's another day!!
We have been rescheduled till Thursday. Thank goodness it is still this week. With adoption you put your schedules, hopes and dreams into someone else's hands, and so far we have been ok with that. Knowing someone else is in charge of this process is making this more of a learning curve for one of us then expected.
I am a bit of a control freak, I make up better ways to do things when things go wrong for everyone at movie theaters, restaurants and anything in between. That's what I do, gain control and run it smoothly. So in light of what happened last night I am learning to let go of the control and letting some else take charge. Some of you may think it is God, some of you think its fate, but whoever it is I trust that in the end this is our path that we were meant to walk. All of this is really how it is. I was never supposed to birth a child, I was meant to adopt. This is my path. I just wish in school and growing up they pulled us (girls who couldn't birth) aside and taught us about our path. Our path that we now walk blind, with a few supporters behind us knowing what we are going through because they so cannot birth. Instead of holding onto a thought or belief that we could carry a child that one day a little me will be walking around outside my body. I was never upset at the loss of the idea I was more upset with the changing of plans, the disbelief that what I was made for could not happen, the loss of what was expected. Now, I expect the path to hold little presents and surprises that not everyone will know and in the end our family will be complete. I am expecting the unexpected.
I hope through this and however long it takes I change all of you and the perception of someone who can't birth a child. I say birth because that is all I cannot do. I can still be a Mom and experience all of what comes with that except the pregnancy and whatever happens after. Which in truth am glad I don't after reading a chapter in what to expect when your expecting...But through this journey I have learned the words that are offensive and terms that we all need to listen and correct. Like natural child. All child are natural, it is biological or adoptive. Not real, all children are real no matter what. For me I have always said I cannot have children. WRONG. I can. I am just going though it differently then most.
I hope that I have opened our eyes to see that what we expect may not happen, and so what if that happens. There are worse things in this life to happen, like life it self is way more important to me then a hiccup in my plans and the lives of all of you.
-LC
I am a bit of a control freak, I make up better ways to do things when things go wrong for everyone at movie theaters, restaurants and anything in between. That's what I do, gain control and run it smoothly. So in light of what happened last night I am learning to let go of the control and letting some else take charge. Some of you may think it is God, some of you think its fate, but whoever it is I trust that in the end this is our path that we were meant to walk. All of this is really how it is. I was never supposed to birth a child, I was meant to adopt. This is my path. I just wish in school and growing up they pulled us (girls who couldn't birth) aside and taught us about our path. Our path that we now walk blind, with a few supporters behind us knowing what we are going through because they so cannot birth. Instead of holding onto a thought or belief that we could carry a child that one day a little me will be walking around outside my body. I was never upset at the loss of the idea I was more upset with the changing of plans, the disbelief that what I was made for could not happen, the loss of what was expected. Now, I expect the path to hold little presents and surprises that not everyone will know and in the end our family will be complete. I am expecting the unexpected.
I hope through this and however long it takes I change all of you and the perception of someone who can't birth a child. I say birth because that is all I cannot do. I can still be a Mom and experience all of what comes with that except the pregnancy and whatever happens after. Which in truth am glad I don't after reading a chapter in what to expect when your expecting...But through this journey I have learned the words that are offensive and terms that we all need to listen and correct. Like natural child. All child are natural, it is biological or adoptive. Not real, all children are real no matter what. For me I have always said I cannot have children. WRONG. I can. I am just going though it differently then most.
-LC
Monday 13 August 2012
Our first taste of the adoption process
Then there is a message from Kathy, our social worker, that she has to reschedule.
We are deflated, frustrated and just need to remember that there are worse things to have happen and that
this is the process. Adoption is like a roller coaster and there will be plenty of ups and plenty of downs.
This is just one of the downs.
LC
Today is the day!
I was up most of the night, not thinking about anything but my nerves were definitely working on over drive.I am not so nervous but more excited to finally get this done and really understand what this is all about. Everyone we have spoken to about Home Studies have told us, " After it is all done you will be glad you went through it" I hope on the other side we are as strong as we think we are. We have always said at this is just another step in the process and hopefully after tonight we till think that way. One step closer to bringing our family together.
LC
LC
Sunday 12 August 2012
Weekend for Two
I was able to take the weekend off after a busy and hectic week at work, just so that LC and I can both spend some time together. With the homestudy soon on the horizon we both are thinking about it a lot, but we were able to do lots of little things around the house and with each other to help keep our minds off it.
But before the weekend started off, I hopped into my car Friday morning to go to work and Lauren had already left an itinerary for our weekend for two in an envelope waiting on my steering wheel. It was so sweet, but I didn't know what I was in for when I got home, talk about being pampered! LC treated me to a home spa, glass of wine, meat & cheese tray... wow really felt like royalty! Such an amazing feeling to have all that work done just for me.
Like I was saying though we crossed off a big project on our list, and that was to paint the baby's room. The room was recently the "computer room", or "second bedroom", "office", "studio" etc. but now after some solid painting of the walls, trim, and more it now officially has become the baby's room! Well... we do still have the computer in here, but with the newly painted walls, change table, crib, pictures, and everything else organized it's getting pretty darn close to being 100% ready for the little tike.
Another cool project that Lauren did just today was painting the closet doors in our bedroom (which have always been just plain white). Added a picture on here too just because I think they look so good. Amazing what some light yellow paint, some stencils from the dollar store, and a brilliant/talented woman can do together!
So now the home-study is tomorrow already. We have the day to kind of tidy things up around the house (but not too tidy) and prepare for one of the more important days of this entire process to get on the adoption list.
But after a nice weekend of playing games, watching tv/movies, working on the house, having great food (and some wine!) and just being together it really gets us focused, centered, and prepared on who we are as a couple and how we can tackle this home-study meeting together.
- JB
Tuesday 7 August 2012
Trouble commenting?
A few of our family and friends have mentioned to us that they have had trouble commenting on our posts. If you click on the title of the post it should take you to the post page and at the bottom there is a little grey box, you should be able to add comments there.
If that still doesn't work I have received some amazing emails from friends and family about their thoughts and words of encouragement and love towards this adventure. We LOVE them. It inspires us to keep our hearts headed in the direction of our dreams. jayandlaurenburns@gmail.com
Also you can follow us by entering your email in the blue section on the blog where it says FOLLOW US! You will get updates right in your inbox.
We cannot believe that we have over 1000 views on our blog. Thank you Thank you.
We hope we can keep up to the demand but we are pretty sure it is about to get real exciting.
Lauren and Jason
If that still doesn't work I have received some amazing emails from friends and family about their thoughts and words of encouragement and love towards this adventure. We LOVE them. It inspires us to keep our hearts headed in the direction of our dreams. jayandlaurenburns@gmail.com
Also you can follow us by entering your email in the blue section on the blog where it says FOLLOW US! You will get updates right in your inbox.
We cannot believe that we have over 1000 views on our blog. Thank you Thank you.
We hope we can keep up to the demand but we are pretty sure it is about to get real exciting.
Lauren and Jason
Friday 3 August 2012
Home Study!!
Well it is finally here. Monday August 13th at 6:30 our social work, Kathy will be coming over to start our home study. I am not nervous yet.
Thursday 2 August 2012
LOVE
“How can you ever love an adopted child as much as your biological children?”
Because love grows from the heart, not from the uterus
Because love grows from the heart, not from the uterus
Wednesday 1 August 2012
getting a little prepared
To keep our eyes on the prize we maybe getting a little ahead of ourselves but we are ok with it. There are two kinds of adoptive parents, the ones who build a nursery to help inspire and believe and then there are the ones who don't buy a thing till they get a phone call. We are the ones that build to inspire. So today we bought a crib. We want to keep expenses as low as we can so kijiji is our new best friend. Here is the lovely new crib we found for just $100, don;t worry it it still safe and is pretty new so passes all guidelines and such.
LC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)