This question has been bouncing around my mind lately. I recently have switched my Endometriosis medication and that has thrown me for a loop. I am terrified of the meds I am taking to control it because of the high risk of cancer that hormone balancing meds have. The new one is no where near the strength as my last last ones but I feel like it will work with managing my pain moderatley. I have been on them for a month and I am not myself. I feel cloudy and swollen. I don't remember things, I say words when I mean others, I am not as cheerful. This is menopause. I am a 35 yr old in Menopause. Since finding out I can't have children I find it hard to connect to the women around me. Lately I feel like I am not a woman. I have lost the most powerful experience a woman could have. Our role as women is to be able to create life. I cannot do that.
I know in my head that I am woman and birthing a child doesn't make me one, but it connects me with the women in my life. I have women in my life with fertility issues but they were successful with 1 or multiple pregnancies. I do not know anyone that has not experienced what I feel. I lost part of being a women and with all the hassle and difficulty with pain and meds it reminds everyday of this heart ache.
I also keep thinking about the baby and I know it will be painful as well as joyful to hold my baby for the first time. I have become to numb to world of pregnancies around me and I am just waiting and hoping for the arrival to happen today but I am scared as well. I know that the pain of this feeling will diminish over time and when I become a Mother I can connect to women on other levels but it will take time.
Lauren
PS My meds also effect my emotions and I am up and down all the time. I am emotional.
Friday 27 June 2014
Tuesday 17 June 2014
We need HELP
We need HELP!! yesterday we talked with the agency and we are moving on up. In the next month there are 4 confirmed matches and that would move us to 12. WHAT!! Our profiles are out with 2 birth Moms as we speak. This could happen soon. This could happen soon.
Although we have had almost 2 years to prepare we just started to think of all the stuff we have said we will do when baby arrives but have not narrowed it down. We do not use any cleaning products in our home, we are 100% Norwex lovers. We do not want to use the standard alcohol laced baby wipes or bath products. What are you natural Momma's using?
We need advice on:
-baby wipes- we are leaning towards warm wash clothes
-bath products, shampoo,etc - we like olive oil soap or castile soap
-moisturising cream
-laundry soap
We are using cloth diapers. We have the entire G-diaper system. So we are not afraid of getting our hands dirty. So any products or ways without products will be extremely helpful.
Also we want to know about formula. I have looked into inducing my own breast milk but it got weird. I have also heard of breast milk banks, not sure what that is all about either. I have gotten a rave review form a friend of a friend about the president's choice formula. I also know it depends solely on our baby but we think we will start there? Any suggestions?
Clothes, we have clothes. Trust me we do but how many do we need for the first 3 months?
Bottles, we have gotten some Born Free bottles and are liking them so far. Again, no baby has tried them out or anything but they seem pretty easy. Suggestions? Do you really need a sanitizer?
Also we just found out our crib, we bought 2 years ago from a garage sale is now not being made any more. We have a crib with the side that slides down. Which is difficult for us even. What do you parents think out there? If you tell us to buy a new one we will expect you to chip in, just kidding!!
We want to baby wear. Any suggestions on wraps would be great. We have a carrier for Jay and I want a wrap. Best and worst ones would be great!!
Adoption is going to happen fast, and if we don't run out and buy all this today we want to know where to go and get it. We do not want to make a decision fast based on necessity and end up going against what we really believe. Natural, Inexpensive parenting!!
Although we have had almost 2 years to prepare we just started to think of all the stuff we have said we will do when baby arrives but have not narrowed it down. We do not use any cleaning products in our home, we are 100% Norwex lovers. We do not want to use the standard alcohol laced baby wipes or bath products. What are you natural Momma's using?
We need advice on:
-baby wipes- we are leaning towards warm wash clothes
-bath products, shampoo,etc - we like olive oil soap or castile soap
-moisturising cream
-laundry soap
We are using cloth diapers. We have the entire G-diaper system. So we are not afraid of getting our hands dirty. So any products or ways without products will be extremely helpful.
Also we want to know about formula. I have looked into inducing my own breast milk but it got weird. I have also heard of breast milk banks, not sure what that is all about either. I have gotten a rave review form a friend of a friend about the president's choice formula. I also know it depends solely on our baby but we think we will start there? Any suggestions?
Clothes, we have clothes. Trust me we do but how many do we need for the first 3 months?
Bottles, we have gotten some Born Free bottles and are liking them so far. Again, no baby has tried them out or anything but they seem pretty easy. Suggestions? Do you really need a sanitizer?
Also we just found out our crib, we bought 2 years ago from a garage sale is now not being made any more. We have a crib with the side that slides down. Which is difficult for us even. What do you parents think out there? If you tell us to buy a new one we will expect you to chip in, just kidding!!
We want to baby wear. Any suggestions on wraps would be great. We have a carrier for Jay and I want a wrap. Best and worst ones would be great!!
Adoption is going to happen fast, and if we don't run out and buy all this today we want to know where to go and get it. We do not want to make a decision fast based on necessity and end up going against what we really believe. Natural, Inexpensive parenting!!
Friday 13 June 2014
Adoption Ink
While reading news, posts, and other things on the computer this morning I came across what seems to be widely regarded as a symbol for Adoption.
Personally, I have never wanted a tattoo my entire life. Lauren has lots, and I admire her for that, but I have never been motivated to permanently ink my body with anything. Until now.
The Adoption Symbol - the triangle symbolizes the three sides of adoption: the birth family, the adopted family and the adoptee. While the heart intertwined embodies the love involved in the adoption between the three.
Here are just a few examples of what I found out that thousands of adoptive parents and adoptees get tattooed around the world:
Personally, I have never wanted a tattoo my entire life. Lauren has lots, and I admire her for that, but I have never been motivated to permanently ink my body with anything. Until now.
The Adoption Symbol - the triangle symbolizes the three sides of adoption: the birth family, the adopted family and the adoptee. While the heart intertwined embodies the love involved in the adoption between the three.
Here are just a few examples of what I found out that thousands of adoptive parents and adoptees get tattooed around the world:
Sunday 8 June 2014
What I have learned
I haven't posted in awhile, it has been hard for me. Jason is better at posting the things we talk about doing with our kid and how excited we are to be parents. I write about how I feel through this journey. Then I realised I needed to write to get it out of me. So here it goes:::
Yesterday at a Vintage Market that I was so happy to be a part of I met the organizers of the event and the first thing that they told me is that they love following me to be inspired and how positive I am. I was taken a back by that. I try to be as positive as I can be. I try to show everyone they can do it even when things are hard. In my head I am not so much. I am a very good negative talker to myself. I am a pro at it. These ladies didn't know that, they are not in my head. I was very proud to see that I have a good filtering system.
I also have been comparing Jason and I, and on how we are both handling this process. We had a discussion the other day, brought on by me, about how long we should we wait. I am no where near stopping due to my need and want for a child but the thought has entered my head lately. I finally said it out loud. At that moment I realised I am more negative, and Jason is more positive. Maybe that is why we get a long so well. I state the negative of everything and he turns it around to be positive. So much has happened to us, when I list it is surprising the luck we have had, and through that he has held me up, made me see the positive side and it always turns out for the better because they way we absorb the luck, with a positive attitude.
Something also stuck with me in the past couple of weeks. While we were building our fence with my parents we started talking about the adoption which randomly happens time to time and my father said something that I will never forget. "I am surprised it has taken this long, I thought it would have happened by now". I was happy he said it. My parents have been more then supportive of our adoption and I always talk to my Mom when I am down or need advice. The first part of the year we have had a few large speed bumps and my Dad has really helped Jason and I through them. I didn't think much of it at the time but we went back to work on the fence and it has stuck with me. My Dad has been waiting too!! He doesn't really talk about emotional stuff but knowing what he said it was a glimpse of how he is feeling. It was comforting to know he has been thinking about it, although I knew he was but communicating it to us made us feel very happy.
We also got through May!! May for us is a month of reminders. It is when we started trying to conceive back in 2009, yes before we got married. It was when we found out I could not carry a child back in 2012. It is now 2014. 5 years. The other week on Facebook a friend was over due for having baby. She got married a month after us and this is her second child. Her status," waiting, waiting..." Now I will never understand what being 9 months pregnant feels like, and I can only imagine she wanted this baby out and I wanted that for her. My initial thought was phff, a week over due try 5yrs of waiting. Time is strange, I know 5 yrs have passed, but am shocked 5 yrs have passed. Its a weird shift in reality. I experienced everyday, some good, some bad, others dragged on, others flew by, but could we have really been on this journey for 5 yrs already. It seems so long, but yet so short.
What I have learned is that my husband takes the lead on positivity and I am his pupil.
What I have learned is that just because it is not stated all the time everyone is waiting.
What I have learned is that time doesn't really matter.
I hope this wasn't hard to read. I had so many thoughts to get out.
Lauren
Yesterday at a Vintage Market that I was so happy to be a part of I met the organizers of the event and the first thing that they told me is that they love following me to be inspired and how positive I am. I was taken a back by that. I try to be as positive as I can be. I try to show everyone they can do it even when things are hard. In my head I am not so much. I am a very good negative talker to myself. I am a pro at it. These ladies didn't know that, they are not in my head. I was very proud to see that I have a good filtering system.
I also have been comparing Jason and I, and on how we are both handling this process. We had a discussion the other day, brought on by me, about how long we should we wait. I am no where near stopping due to my need and want for a child but the thought has entered my head lately. I finally said it out loud. At that moment I realised I am more negative, and Jason is more positive. Maybe that is why we get a long so well. I state the negative of everything and he turns it around to be positive. So much has happened to us, when I list it is surprising the luck we have had, and through that he has held me up, made me see the positive side and it always turns out for the better because they way we absorb the luck, with a positive attitude.
Something also stuck with me in the past couple of weeks. While we were building our fence with my parents we started talking about the adoption which randomly happens time to time and my father said something that I will never forget. "I am surprised it has taken this long, I thought it would have happened by now". I was happy he said it. My parents have been more then supportive of our adoption and I always talk to my Mom when I am down or need advice. The first part of the year we have had a few large speed bumps and my Dad has really helped Jason and I through them. I didn't think much of it at the time but we went back to work on the fence and it has stuck with me. My Dad has been waiting too!! He doesn't really talk about emotional stuff but knowing what he said it was a glimpse of how he is feeling. It was comforting to know he has been thinking about it, although I knew he was but communicating it to us made us feel very happy.
We also got through May!! May for us is a month of reminders. It is when we started trying to conceive back in 2009, yes before we got married. It was when we found out I could not carry a child back in 2012. It is now 2014. 5 years. The other week on Facebook a friend was over due for having baby. She got married a month after us and this is her second child. Her status," waiting, waiting..." Now I will never understand what being 9 months pregnant feels like, and I can only imagine she wanted this baby out and I wanted that for her. My initial thought was phff, a week over due try 5yrs of waiting. Time is strange, I know 5 yrs have passed, but am shocked 5 yrs have passed. Its a weird shift in reality. I experienced everyday, some good, some bad, others dragged on, others flew by, but could we have really been on this journey for 5 yrs already. It seems so long, but yet so short.
What I have learned is that my husband takes the lead on positivity and I am his pupil.
What I have learned is that just because it is not stated all the time everyone is waiting.
What I have learned is that time doesn't really matter.
I hope this wasn't hard to read. I had so many thoughts to get out.
Lauren
Saturday 7 June 2014
Daily routines
Wake up.
(Check phone)
Have breakfast.
(Check phone)
Go about day.
(Check phone yet again)
Eat lunch.
(Still checking that phone)
Go to work.
(Look at phone during break & dinner)
Finish up work, come home
(Check phone before bed)
Wake up.
–repeat–
* similar routine for most, except instead of checking first for Emails, Facebook, texts, etc. - We hope it's going to be news that baby is now part of our lives. Every time we glance at that screen.
#waitingforadoption
#groundhogday
(Check phone)
Have breakfast.
(Check phone)
Go about day.
(Check phone yet again)
Eat lunch.
(Still checking that phone)
Go to work.
(Look at phone during break & dinner)
Finish up work, come home
(Check phone before bed)
Wake up.
–repeat–
* similar routine for most, except instead of checking first for Emails, Facebook, texts, etc. - We hope it's going to be news that baby is now part of our lives. Every time we glance at that screen.
#waitingforadoption
#groundhogday
Monday 2 June 2014
Backyard Projects
Recently, Lauren and I have capitalized on the time that we've had to finish off a lot of important DIY projects outside, including building 170ft of new fence, my side of the garage, our back and front deck, etc.
We have very fortunate to not only have amazing parents like hers who have been helping and supportive at every step! Since we moved in last July, the plan right from the get-go was to build a new big fence because we couldn't contain our pups with the old existing 3-foot fence, but not to mention that at the front and back we just had to put up chicken wire to try and hold them back them from freely exploring the whole neighborhood. But in November our new neighbors to the north moved in and they were supportive to build the fence when the time was right.. so this past week we did it!
Personally, I've never been a "handyman" of any kind, but I've sure learned a lot over the past few months and now that we have a house of our own and a nice big yard, the DIY project plans are growing. Especially now when we think about the little person that is going to be running through the grass in just a few short years.
I really enjoy looking at fun outdoor ideas and games for kids. So wanted to share some of the recent ones I have looked at and thought about for us. Because I want our backyard to not only look incredible and unique, but also be a haven for our kid and their friends to spend lots of time outside, using their imagination while playing and learning.
We have very fortunate to not only have amazing parents like hers who have been helping and supportive at every step! Since we moved in last July, the plan right from the get-go was to build a new big fence because we couldn't contain our pups with the old existing 3-foot fence, but not to mention that at the front and back we just had to put up chicken wire to try and hold them back them from freely exploring the whole neighborhood. But in November our new neighbors to the north moved in and they were supportive to build the fence when the time was right.. so this past week we did it!
Personally, I've never been a "handyman" of any kind, but I've sure learned a lot over the past few months and now that we have a house of our own and a nice big yard, the DIY project plans are growing. Especially now when we think about the little person that is going to be running through the grass in just a few short years.
I really enjoy looking at fun outdoor ideas and games for kids. So wanted to share some of the recent ones I have looked at and thought about for us. Because I want our backyard to not only look incredible and unique, but also be a haven for our kid and their friends to spend lots of time outside, using their imagination while playing and learning.
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