Life as waiting parents.....

We seem to have gotten into a groove of ignoring what we really feel. I can go days without acknowledging what is breaking my heart. I still think about the adoption everyday and almost every hour but it has become this elephant in the room. We don't mention it as much or think about what we are really feeling. We internalize our own thoughts of the adoption. It is all temporary as we are waiting parents. It could happen so fast that it will take our minds and hearts to catch up to what is actually physically happen even though we have had many years to prepare ourselves for it. I think we will be in a state of disbelief when it really does happen, that it is actually happening. I dream of that day. I catch myself thinking about it all the time. What the scenario will be, if it will be a boy or a girl, will the birth mom be in our lives, will it be a call in the middle of the night or will there be chance we can be there when our baby is born? All these unknowns keeps my heart open to this amazing possibility of becoming a mother. But after 31 months being on the list they can also make you dwell on the wait. We have changed babies name so many times, rearranged the room and gotten our hopes up about situations that have led to disappointment.

We know this is temporary but it is our reality in which we have been in for 2.5 yrs. It is harder to ignore the questions will it happen, should we be doing this, how much more can we handle? We are enduring the wait by staying strong and hopeful, the excitement has worn off but we can find it when we want to. We have hidden it away for now to keep focused on our daily lives and move forward.

I know it is right there waiting to explode out of us, to share with you, but for now we must keep it close to our hearts and protected.

Lauren