It's almost been a year since we got that call, and that is almost incomprehensible. Lauren and I were living our lives as if nothing was ever going to change. However at that same time, there was one person's life that had already been changed.
This was Owen's birth-mother.
It was one year ago, she was coping with so many emotions, and probably the most difficult decision of her entire life. Her story is very private and personal, and we can't imagine what she had to go through.
But through all her strife and pain, we know she confided in her mother for support and love. Her mother helped give her daughter the strength to go not only go through with having the baby, but supported her in going to an adoption agency.
Within a week, our birth-mother came to the conclusion that she would go through with the adoption, and looked through the many different profile books of waiting parents, and that's where we entered her life! She gave birth to Owen, and then allowed us to have that part of her heart.
But it's important to know one important reason of why we chose to go through with "open" adoption. This isn't like the movies, this isn't leaving a baby on a doorstep or sending it in a bassinet down the river. This isn't a closed process, where the birth-mother wonders what ever happens to her child. She made the conscious decision to give Owen to us, but we get to keep her a part of our (and Owen's) lives as a part of our forever family.
We've met her on a few occasions, and keep in contact with her to this day, also we've Skype'd with her so that she can see Owen grow.
It's so important that after the adoption placement has happened, we continue a connection with her so that she can see how impactful and important her decision was. She wants to see and know that Owen is loved, that he has a great home, toys to play with, that he laughs and giggles, and because of her he has an incredible life ahead of him.
We want her to know always how incredibly special that he is to us, and that she made it all happen.
This connection is not only important for her, but for Lauren and I as parents, and especially for Owen! In his bedroom there is a picture of his birth-mother holding him as a baby. He is going to know his entire story, know about her, know where he came from - and then when he came into our care. His education of this entire journey is so important for his development as a child, and then as a man finding a place in this world.
So before we start to celebrate Owen coming into our life this weekend for his birthday, I think it's important that we first remember who made it all happen.
- Jason
I love your perspective on Owen's birthmother's place in your life. I like the idea of having the picture of them together in his bedroom. I might have to do that too :)
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