Imagine...

I understand your perspective on my situation because I was you one day. I was listening to a friend talk about her infertility and I consoled her with the same condolences I am hearing now. I understand now what that feels like. Sentiments that make the other person feel good about themselves just to move to the next topic in conversation. I don't want you to understand this, I don't want you to know how I am feeling, I don't want anyone, man or woman to feel the way we feel.

But I cannot change that 7.3 million people in the world suffer from infertility. What I can do is give you a glimpse, an outlook of my perspective. I believe I am doing this with this blog. I cannot change the entire world but I change your view, and maybe one day another woman will feel a little bit better when you console her after reading my story. I cannot make you feel what it feels like but I can try to explain what it looks like.

Here it goes:

When you are kid your dreams and aspirations are filled with opportunity. Everyone around you fills your head with ideas of what your life will look like, you have an image of who you want to be, and what your life looks like and you set off to get all that you deserve. You graduate high school, off to college/university, you graduate. Your life is going to plan. You struggle with dating but then you find him, the him you will marry, the him you have been thinking about, the one that holds your future. You go for an interview, apply for a mortgage, and he asks you to marry him all on the same day. The mortgage specialist says we will call you when you are approved, the job interview says we have other applicants and you will hear from us soon and you tell your boyfriend you have to think.

You wait, the anxiety and stress build up, you are anxious with excitement and just wish the phone would ring, your boyfriend sits at home patiently waiting for you to arrive at the door to change his life forever. But nothing happens, time moves on you go on about your life, the one you lived before this particular day, the day it all happened. But it actually is hanging there until a phone rings. Time moves on and on, there is a part of you who has one eye on the phone waiting to hear if you got the dream job, or the mortgage and until you hear, yes your boyfriend is still waiting, his life is on pause.

We all know how that feels, waiting for a job we have always wanted or the anxiety that comes from waiting to hear if you have enough money to buy the house, or the stress a relationship can bring, does he love me" These moments take a few days, maybe a week but it is the only other feeling that is a small portion of what waiting on the adoption list feels like.

Now imagine you are waiting to hear if you are a parent, someone has that control over us. We are waiting for someone to say YES you are the parents I have been looking for