Christmas brings joy and family together. We love Christmas at our house. Since being married it has been amazing sharing it with each other. This year we were looking forward to decorating our first home, and sharing new memories. As December approached I realised what we thought it would be so much fun turned into reminders and heart break.
Mid November it began to be very apparent our house was missing what we have wanted for years. We started to decorate and plan. As time moved forward I realised Christmas was going to be extremely difficult for us. We need to put our game faces on and keep ourselves busy.
I turned our advent calendar into activity calendar filled with something to do everyday that involved friends or just getting out of the house. We are half way through and are surviving. Everyday we are reminded that Christmas is for kids, and that is our perspective right now. It is hard to see parents with their kids in the mall, it is hard to buy gifts for the kids in our lives and not think of buying for our own kid one day, it is difficult to be joyful when everything seems to be a reminder of where we are.
We chatted with a a few friends about this a few weeks ago and they were understanding of course but asked what can anyone do? They were right, no one can do anything and this is just how it is. We totally get it. We are very honoured to be surrounded by some amazing kids and are really enjoying being with them weekly, and sharing this adventure with all of you. We never thought Christmas would be difficult and no one ever thinks about it. We never did, and we have always been open on this journey and this is just another level.
We have made the best of our situation and must hope for good things to come. We have gotten many cards and emails asking a lot of questions this year and are extremely thankful for all the love and support. We both feel very exhausted and worn out. We are still hopeful and wish for the day to come soon. Although we are struggling, we have good days, and bad days. When we see ourselves getting frustrated and angry we stop and remind ourselves what is really happening and what we need to do to keep ourselves focused and positive. It is the up and downs of adoption.
Maybe Santa will bring our family together this Christmas!!
Wishing you all Peace, Love and Joy this Holiday and Hoping you all receive what is in your heart in 2014.
Love Jason and Lauren
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