A note to my other Mother

I wanted to acknowledge a very thoughtful Christmas gift I got from my Momma Cowles, who I never got to thank properly and I will explain why.

There are few things that I look forward to more than eventually reading to our new child.  I enjoy reading children's books a LOT, and every time I read to nieces, nephews and friends I think about the day when I can read to my own.  When I opened my gift it was very unexpected (I actually thought it was a CD!), and just reading the title and knowing what I was holding in my hands came over me in a wash of emotions that I couldn't hold back.

Tears started to well-up and I cracked.  I excused myself from the family gathering in the living room because I had trouble keeping my emotions in check.  Not just sadness or grief however that we are still in waiting, but ambivalent feelings of happiness as well.  I had never been acknowledged as a Daddy or a Father, and it was just all a little overwhelming even to talk about after the fact.  

In my own mind I had put Christmas of 2013 as a time where I thought the adoption would happen, so when that hasn't still happened I've intentionally put those emotions on hold, but I am now starting to embrace those thoughts so I can also think about the happy visions again about reading my favorite kid's books to our son or daughter.

Sorry Rosemary that I never got the time to properly thank you for such a beautiful gift that I will cherish forever.  You and Clair are an incredible support system whom I am thankful for every time we are together.  And please keep the children's books coming as gifts, they are my favorite, especially ones where I can use funny voices for all the different characters  :)

Big hug coming your way soon.  Love you   <3

- Jason